The Krabby Patty Formula for Effective Conversations
Gandhi and an 11% increase in Global Ginger Happiness.
In 1939, Gandhi wrote his friend a letter.
Before I go on, I want to reassure you that this article is light-hearted.
Okay? Okay.
His friend was Hitler.
“Dear Friend,
Friends have been urging me to write to you for the sake of humanity. But I have resisted their request, because of the feeling that any letter from me would be an impertinence. Something tells me that I must not calculate and that I must make my appeal for whatever it may be worth.
It is quite clear that you are today the one person in the world who can prevent a war which may reduce humanity to the savage state. Must you pay that price for an object however worthy it may appear to you to be? Will you listen to the appeal of one who has deliberately shunned the method of war not without considerable success? Any way I anticipate your forgiveness, if I have erred in writing to you.
I remain,
Your sincere friend,
M. K. Gandhi”
TLDR: Gandhi tried sending Hitler a letter to prevent World War 2.
I didn’t know how to feel when I first read this letter.
But that’s okay.
You don’t need to know how to feel in moments of uncertainty, you just need to treat them with kindness and respect rather than an outburst of emotion.
While I initially wondered how much Gandhi knew about Hitler at the time of his letter, I realized it didn’t matter. What mattered is that in this world, Gandhi saw everyone as a friend.
While Gandhi’s main intention with that letter wasn’t meant for us, life has a way of repurposing well-hearted messages that didn’t reach their desired effect.
Gandhi said, “If you want to change the world, start with yourself.”
Similarly, if you want to change the world, start with someone close.
Treat conversations with friends, family, coworkers, and even strangers as if the world depends on them.
We usually keep our conversations simple with small talk, or we talk about whatever is in the current culture — big word alert (to me), get ready for it (this is more for me than you) — zeitgeist.
An effective conversation is an exchange of ideas.
The Gandhi Recipe (aka the Krabby Patty formula) can make your idea-based conversations and disputes more effective.
Why is Gandhi synonymous with a Krabby Patty you may ask? Because there is substance to everything he said.
I recently started using this recipe in my conversations and interactions.
The result? One redhead who feels better. And since the redhead supply is dwindling, statistically that means an 11% increase in global ginger happiness.
Tomorrow’s news: GGH is up 11%.
Woohoo!
Krabby Patty Chitty Chatty
You don’t have to use these tactics in every conversation.
Just take a bite out of the Krabby Patty as you see fit.
Key takeaways from Gandhi’s letter:
Cut the gossip.
Did you see Gandhi mention his new Gucci sandals anywhere? Did you see him mention that waiter down the street who always rolls his eyes after you order?
Gossip, though it has an evolutionary benefit, can poison your conversations.
Gandhi doesn’t talk about this, but it’s something I’ve really been thinking about lately.
Eleanor Roosevelt had a quote I always loved but never put into practice.
“Great minds discuss ideas;
average minds discuss events;
small minds discuss people.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt
I also have a quote. I came up with it just now.
“Leave gossip for the geese.”
— Me, someone who gossips but is working on doing it less and is feeling quite better about himself, leading to an 11% increase in GGH.
Lead with empathy.
“Your sincere friend.”
The tone of the letter is the same as one written by a close friend.
Verbally assaulting someone will not change their view.
Every time I see people debate politics, I imagine this clip from a National Collegiate Debate Championship.
Are you gonna try and tell me without a smirk they don’t look silly? Sure, these championships are different than everyday conversation. But in the infamous words of Joe Biden, “C’mon, man.”
Swiftly moving forward, we have calmer, yet important conversations.
Some of the most important conversations we have in life are medical ones. A systemic review on the patient–physician relationship analyzed over 964 original studies and found a “good correlation” between empathy and satisfaction. The use of empathy resulted in less patient anxiety, less patient stress, and improved clinical outcomes.
We know the impact of empathy. Utilize it, silly. The stakes aren’t always so high when it comes to the people we regularly converse with, not for me and the flock of geese I usually hang with anyway.
Don’t let emotions dictate your conversations.
Try to find common ground when things are running astray. Return the conversation to humanity.
Ground yourself, my conversational Padawan.
We shout when we’re not heard, but we also shout to scare. Effective conversations don’t happen when people are pushed away.
Build them up.
“It is quite clear that you are today the one person in the world who can prevent a war which may reduce humanity to the savage state.”
Social psychologist Robert Cialdini had 2 suggestions for winning someone over who doesn’t like you.
- Give honest compliments.
- Ask for their advice.
While Gandhi used neither of these, he did something similar to appear friendly.
What happens when we get compliments? We feel good. How do I know this? Let’s try an exercise. Read the following:
Hey, you! You’re pretty cool. You have a great smile, and you know that thing you’ve been thinking about recently, I believe you can do it!
Don’t ya feel great!
If you don’t, read my other article on loneliness and the current mental health crisis in America.
And… what happens when someone asks us for advice? I won’t put you through another exercise, so here’s the answer: we feel special!
Wahoooo! More fireworks!
Have a sense of urgency.
“Friends have been urging me to write to you for the sake of humanity.”
Conversations are full of lollygagging.
They sometimes just… go on.
What types of conversations are filled with urgency?
Important ones.
Protests. Doctor visits. Messages to people who you may not see for some time. Maybe they’re going away on vacation. Maybe they’re dying. I dunno. You decide. Have fun 🙂.
This idea of urgency also relates to a common sale’s method. Ecommerce sites use countdown timers to trick customers into thinking they must act now.
If there is no urgency, why would someone force a decision so soon?
They can keep something in their cart for years.
In disputes, someone can keep some opposing piece of evidence or some amazing idea in ‘their cart’ for years too. The result? No transformation.
Know when to exit.
“Any way I anticipate your forgiveness, if I have erred in writing to you.”
Gandhi didn’t overstay his welcome. He exited as urgently as he entered.
If you aren’t precise with your words, they run away and get lost.
If you are precise, people remember.
Tim Denning wrote a fascinating article on Keanu Reeves and how being quiet (being brief) gives you an opportunity to let your messages hit home.
Read the article, it’s worth it.
And here, we depart.
TLDR: Empathy + Reassurance + Urgency = Effective Conversations.
Imagine a world without conversation, without words.
In a world without words, how much would you give for an exchange of ideas?
Conversations provoke transformation.
Don’t let an opportunity to have an effective conversation pass you by like Bootie Brown from The Pharcyde.
We are often spectators and leave it to others to transform their opinions and viewpoints.
But it’s not just up to others to be willing to change.
It is up to you too.
See, this was all pretty light-hearted.
