I married Mr. Good Enough. He was nice. He was educated. He came from a good family, and I thought he would make a good father.
Check, check, and check.
He was good enough. Until, he thought I wasn’t. He was nice, until he was nice to someone else.
I married him anyway.
Under society’s hypnotic spell of false and inaccurate beliefs. Conditioned and educated by too many Disney movies, rom-coms and parental role models doing their best. Seducing my mores with stories of princes rescuing princesses from evil step-mothers, dragons, and a lifetime of loneliness.
American culture succeeded in inculcating a sense of urgency in me to get married before a “certain age.” The threat of not being a mother always present, lurking — childlessness — punishment for my not marrying soon enough. If I didn’t find a husband before my eggs spoiled, death as a valuable person would be my fate. Conventional wisdom said I was “getting up there” in my mid 20’s, and finding a life-long mate should be my ultimate pursuit if I wanted more than one child. …
A little over two years ago, while in the kitchen with my daughter after she spent a weekend at her dad’s house, she dropped this on me,
“I don’t want daddy to drop me off at school anymore.”
Taking my daughter to school isn’t a small task. It is 30 minutes one way (we live in LA) and sometimes an hour back (traffic). That means some days I’m in the car for 3 hours total to and from her school — a huge time suck. I do most of the driving. He sometimes takes her once a week.
I tried to maintain neutrality in my voice when I…
It was 5:55 pm. I had just dropped my five-year-old off at a Trader Joe’s parking lot where her father was waiting in a parked car for her, a neutral territory only those going through a not so amicable divorce can appreciate. As I was getting back into my car and he was strapping our daughter into the car seat in his car, he yelled, “I called to pay for half of the food order, and they said it was canceled.”
It was less than 17 hours before my daughter’s 6th birthday party held in a park next to an amazing café that was to cater it. …
Books make us wise. They allow us to see from another’s perspective through story. A good book can take you out of your own life and drop you into someone else’s, taking you to a place you’ve never been while giving you lessons you’d never learn otherwise. Books feed the soul, as well as the mind.
Twyla Tharp said,
I read for growth, firmly believing that what you are today and what you will be in five years depends on two things: the people you meet and the books you read.
All the books on the list I would read a second time. I’ll never recommend a book that I wouldn’t read again. Because when you evolve through different life experiences, reading a book you’ve already read can give you new insights when you come at it with a different perspective. That is just one of the many glories of reading books. …
Growing up, my father was either in a bad mood or good mood depending on how his children were behaving, what grades we were receiving, and how clean our rooms were (think Captain von Trapp before a nun put him in his place). Or, if something negative happened at the office, my dad would take it out on us. I thought this was normal.
It is not.
We each are responsible for our own emotional wellbeing, the actions of others should not determine our happiness, or we’ll have a long, rough road ahead.
Your partner isn’t responsible for your internal mental state at any given moment, nor should your inner landscape be determined by the emotional whims and moods of others. …
Whether you are a writer, the boss, a manager, an entrepreneur, or a parent, we all struggle with productivity and creating good habits.
Thanks to the pandemic giving me hours back from not having to drive and do things out in the world, I’ve had the most productive and lucrative year to date since I started blogging five years ago. Stuck inside and nowhere to go, I chose to seize the opportunity of gaining time to write and work on my blog.
Challenging times reveal who we are.
More than a few times, I wallowed in the fear overwhelming the ethos and hid on the couch, streaming Netflix, and eating carbs. But for the most part, I put my head down and got to work. After a few weeks stuck inside, I made the conscious decision to limit TV and social media scrolling for my Most Important Thing — writing. …
Porn. Everyone has a different reaction to that word.
Overall, porn isn’t a good habit for anybody; it objectifies and dehumanizes women. It can be violent, and most of it sets unrealistic expectations for real-life sex, associated with lower sexual satisfaction.
According to Psychology Today, “porn users report altered sexual tastes, less satisfaction in their relationships, and real-life intimacy and attachment problems.”
Not to mention what it is doing to our teen’s brains. They are learning about unrealistic sexual intercourse, encounters, and penis size.
A woman in her early 60s from Vermont gave a talk at my daughter’s school for parents (she gave her lecture to the kids separately) about sex and teens and porn and teens (her name escapes me). …
I wonder what I’ll cobble together for dinner tonight?
I really should have gone to the store yesterday. There’s nothing in the frig.
I have to stop listening to the Dipsea app and start listening to Calm, then I wouldn’t suck at meditating.
These are just some of the thoughts swirling in my head as I sit and fail at meditating.
Meditation is something I’ve struggled practicing with any sort of consistency. I’m well aware of the benefits. I’ve felt them. I’ve had periods when I meditate every day, only to give up after 30 days, three months, six months in. I’ve never been able to maintain the practice for longer than that. Even sitting for only ten minutes a day, I feel the benefits of meditating. …
A few weeks into the pandemic, I started having a few friends over for Saturday movie night outside in my backyard, taking advantage of the open air.
It’s my good friend’s “one night out.” He lives alone, has a pre-existing condition, asthma, and takes the necessary precautions to stay healthy. To stymie the adverse mental side effects of never seeing anyone other than on Zoom, he makes Saturday nights at my house the one exception to staying in all the time.
Pre-pandemic, he and I went to see nearly every critical hit in the movie theater (no blockbusters), mostly indie films and art-house features. So, when I decided to recreate movie night in my backyard, I went on Amazon and picked out a projector and a screen. We’ve had movie night outside for many months now and will probably continue this tradition when/if Covid ends some day. …
Feel your breath. Bring awareness to your body, move your toes, circle your ankles. Feel each muscle. Starting at your feet, bring awareness to each part of your body.
You’re reinforcing the mind-body connection. When you do this, you become more self-aware. Self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional mastery.
Raise your arms above your head, do a slight backbend. Lower your hands down to the floor, with your back hunched over, and stay there for one — three minutes.