Want to do more? Then stop.
We all have times when we’re stressed out by the number of things that we have to do. Common sense suggests that we should “just get on with it”, but like a lot of common sense — it’s often not actually true. A lot of the time, the best thing to do when overwhelmed is just stop.
Why Stop?
At any one time, most of us have a lot of things we want to do. We have our own “to-do” lists either in our heads or outside somewhere in a notebook or an app. Most of us will be working with other people which means we also need to contend with their to-do lists as well. With all those needs, wants, requirements, deadlines and plans to manage, it’s no wonder that overwhelm is a problem for a lot of us.
With all this to deal with, it might seem insane to try and stop when there is so much to be done, but most of the time, that’s the best thing to do. Our conscious minds can only handle a few things at a time. When we try and hold on to too much at once, we start to drop things. This makes us panic and then we start frantically switching from thing to thing trying not to lose any of the threads. All our energy is concentrated on just keeping all the things in the air, which leaves little capacity for actually getting something accomplished.
Don’t Panic, Don’t Panic, Don’t Panic….
I usually have a lot of things on the go. I run a solo-business, I’m a husband, I’m a dad, I have some semblance of a social life — i’ve got a lot I want to do. There are always many threads to keep hold of and in the past, I’ve descended into panic far too many times. There have been times in my career when it’s been so regular, that it actually started to feel normal. I’d always act like I had everything under control, but inside, i’d feel panicky and nauseous, terrified that things were spinning out of control and there was nothing I could do about it. Friends would ask, how are you doing and I’d say “yeah, great… really busy”. What I was thinking though was “help me i’m drowning”.
One of the big problems, is that it’s very hard to see what’s going on when you’re in the midst of it. My wife would gently suggest I should stop and take a break and I would usually respond with some explanation as to why she was crazy, THERE WAS JUST SO MUCH TO DO. I feared that if I stopped for even a second, everything would just fall to pieces like a house of cards and everything would end in disaster.
I’d find myself bouncing from thing to thing and usually not getting anywhere with any of them. I’d be like a bumblebee, bashing against a window just trying to get through. I could see where I wanted to get to, but was too close. I couldn’t see where I needed to go or what I need to do to get there. I’d start telling myself that if I just pushed on, then i’d be “through it” — all would calm down and be OK again.
But i’ve learnt that the peaceful time never comes by itself. It’s not an external thing at all. It’s something you have to create yourself. And you do it by stopping, getting perspective and taking control.
How I actually do it
OK, so stopping seems like a good idea, but I like practical solutions — a plan I can put into operation when I can feel things start to wobble. If i’m freaking out, my planning and decision making is not what it should be so I have a strategy worked out in advance. The goal is not to completely solve everything, but just have something to do that buys me enough time to calm down and think rationally, and find the calm place.
This is my strategy — it works for me . It might work for you or might not, but either way i’d encourage you to think about it.
Tell myself a bunch things;
pre-thought out statements and mental images, until one of them sticks. I have a bunch of these and I pretty much run through them and one or other will produce the results I want.
These include:
- “I’m paid for the quality of my thinking, not the hours I put in — what’s the quality right now”
- “If I’m calm I can handle this, if I panic, i’m f***ed
(cursing works rather well!) - “There’s a way to do this, i’m just not seeing it”
- “I don’t need to be stressed, I just need a plan”
- “Don’t be the bumble bee…”
Eventually, something always sticks , the panic alarms stop ringing .
Write down everything in my head.
Every little thing that I can think off that I have to do, onto a bit of paper. And I mean, everything — not just work; household chores, things I want to do with the kids, books I have on my reading list, everything. I don’t believe that the brain neatly boxes things up into “work things” and “personal things” — they are all just “things” so they all need to be there, out of my head and captured on paper.
Prioritise it
in some kind of pre-worked out rational manner. I have a system for this too (but that’s for another post), but is all about being rational with it and thinking about each thing in turn, working out what is important and what isn’t, what will have the most impact, what the real costs of just not doing it would be. Just spending a few minutes doing this really helps to get things in perspective.
The methodical process has a profound effect on me. I can feel myself calming down, the fear recedes and is replaced by a sense of stillness. My enthusiasm for it all starts to grow and I start to feel like I can handle things again.
Work out what’s next from my list.
Perhaps i’ll get rid of a few little things that are easy to clear. Maybe i’ll decide to just not do some of the things (which feels awesome BTW). By now i’m feeling more positive, more like a chess grandmaster and less like a bumblebee. I can now see what’s most important and I know where to focus. I’m in control, I know what to do next, I have a plan. All good.
Shred the list
— it’s work is done. We’re calm, the world is good, we can do this. (Note anything useful down first though!)
This is what works for me. It’s started to become quite engrained and even the onslaught of panic doesn’t happen so much any more. As soon as I start to feel that rising feeling, a couple of minutes with a pad of paper is all that I need to get myself back on form.
If you have something that works for you — please share it so we can all try it out too.
I’m working on a project called Helm. It’s about helping us self-directed folk: freelancers, entrepreneurs and solo-businesses, to take control and achieve their goals in a positive and healthy way. By sharing the issues we’ve come across and solutions that we’ve found we can make things better for us all.
You can find out more about why here: Battling Overwhelm
I’ll be posting updates to this post and about Helm in general. If you would like to hear more, please sign up to the Helm mailing list here: https://www.getdrip.com/forms/441062528/submissions/new
Have a great day :)
Mike
