Episode 2 — The Golden Ticket
You know how one fine day, you wake up and suddenly, your whole life seems like one big blur?
That happened to me a couple of months ago. Not metaphorically or anything. I just couldn’t see well with my left eye.
So, off we went to the doctor. After a lot of poking. prodding and blood sucking by a bunch of them, the magic words were finally uttered — Serpiginous Choroiditis. It took a while for them to assure me that they hadn’t, and never would, try out a spell on me and correctly pointed out that there wasn’t a wand anywhere in the 300m radius. Once they had appeased me, they gave me a handful of steroid pills and sent me on my way.
Aah steroids. Where do I even begin? To all men out there, if you ever want to feel some of the symptoms of being pregnant, I suggest you take a few of these. You can put on weight, feel hungry every few hours, release a lot of methane and get low on immunity — plus, you need not push anything the size of a melon out of your pee-pee stick. How cool is that?
Ahem. Moving on.
One of my biggest fears since starting these God-sent, Man-made medical marvels is that I am going to float away like Aunt Marge. That all this gas inside me is going to just propel me up, my circular frame making no protest at the upwards thrust. On the bright side, I might just end up floating my way through a world trip. Unless, I get caught in a tree right outside my house.
Hmmm. Note to self — come up with solution in case such situation occurs.
There are a few perks to having blurred vision. For one, I can totally while away time by myself playing the ‘Guess What That Is’ game. The rules of the game are very simple — you just close your good eye, pick a spot, and try to guess what you are staring at. You, then, use the good eye to see if you guessed right. One tiny warning though — never do this sitting in front of a couple in a cafe. Especially not recommended if the said couple is in the midst of a break up. You don’t want to be in the situation, trust me.
The bumps on the retina also mean that all straight lines seem squiggly. Between these squiggles and the blurriness, it’s just art everywhere. Never before has the world seemed more artistic and alive than now.
Never.
The point of this whole post? It’s a public service announcement, of course.
In case you come across a Boohbah struggling to go uphill, or stuck in a tree somewhere, please do reach out to the humanity in you and give me a shove.
A small shove can help me float a long way and make many of my dreams come true.
Please help me get my Golden Ticket. <Insert heart-rending music here>
