On not feeling “queer enough”

By Victoria Rosales

This piece is a part of the Harry Potter Alliance’s series for Pride 2017, exploring issues and perspectives from the LGBTQ+ community related to Pride. To find out more about the Harry Potter Alliance and how to get involved, visit thehpalliance.org.

Growing up, I never really thought about sexuality. I mean, no one really does, right? You’re focused on making friends and passing reading tests. But, I remember always liking girls. As a matter of fact, I thought everyone felt the same way that I did. You declare you like a boy in your class, but you also think that the girl with short blonde hair is the prettiest of all the 5th graders. It wasn’t until my sophomore year that I was slapped in the face with my queerness. I won’t go into details, but let’s just say it involved a girl, a look across a quad, and my heart jumping out of my chest. From then on, I went through an entire journey of figuring out my sexuality and what that meant for my future. By the end of my senior year, I was pretty sure I was bisexual. I didn’t truly start coming out until the end of my freshman year of college, but by then it was, “Yes. I’m definitely bisexual.”

Graphic of the words “You are queer enough.” across a rainbow background; Source: @queerenough on twitter

I’m now a year out of school, and I wish I was as sure about my sexuality right now as I was back then. As I was coming to terms with myself, I never encountered biphobia. And when I came out to my friends, they were all one hundred percent supportive. Though, as the years have gone by, I’ve truly questioned myself. I’ve figured out my identity is different than the label I’ve given it, causing me to back away from identifying as bisexual. When I define myself, I tell people that gender identity isn’t a factor for me. I just like people and whomever I make a connection with. Sometimes people’s questions feel like an interrogation. “Well, isn’t that called pansexual? You can’t like people of all genders and call yourself bisexual. How many girls have you kissed? Are you transphobic?” To which I reply, “Maybe? Not by my definition. That’s none of your business. Absolutely not.” On top of trying to navigate my sexuality, I’ve also been navigating my gender identity. As of right now, I consider myself genderfluid, and take my pronoun preference day-by-day.

I may have accepted my queerness these past five years, but I still question my identity quite a bit. That’s why I’m giving you so much information about myself, because I suspect there are others that feel the way I do. You see, I’ve found that people really enjoy policing identities. As much as I’ve told myself that other people’s opinions don’t matter, I’ve cried myself to sleep wondering if I have a place in the LGBTQ+ community. The perk of having social media and an online presence is seeing other queer people across the world supporting and loving one another. However, I also see an almost equal amount of hatred and arguments. Sadly, a lot of the negativity comes from people within the community. I’ve seen people question others identity because it doesn’t fit into their definition. I’ve seen screenshots of conversations with people saying, “I could never date someone who was bisexual. You’re just asking for attention. You’re just being greedy.” That’s not even counting the rampant transphobia across the board as well. All of this has made me question and doubt my place in this community.

At the age of 23, I finally went to my first Pride event this year because it was the Resist March. For the most part I saw this community come together in love and acceptance. However, I didn’t wave around a bi-flag, I felt a bit off in my “Queer AF” shirt, and I dressed very femme even though I felt very uncomfortable. Why? Because even though I was at an event with other LGBTQ+ people, I felt that I would be judged or that others would think I was faking my queerness.

Image: quote graphic of black text on white background. Quote reads “Change starts with us, and that includes our attitudes towards the folks around us. We need to stop policing people’s identities. We have to allow people the freedom to change and figure out their sexuality and gender.” — Victoria Rosales

We as a community strive to be accepted and loved by society at large, but too often there’s a failure within our own community to accept and love one another. Change starts with us, and that includes our attitudes towards the folks around us. We need to stop policing people’s identities. We have to allow people the freedom to change and figure out their sexuality and gender. We need this freedom not just for me or for you, but especially for our queer youth. They should confidently know that the LGBTQ+ community is their family who will love them with their entire heart.

Victoria is currently a substitute teacher whose goal is mentoring LGBTQ youth in the nonprofit sector. She’s a Hufflepuff and an activist, trying to live by the Girl Scout Law.

the Wizard Activist

From the Harry Potter Alliance. We turn fans into heroes.

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the Wizard Activist

From the Harry Potter Alliance. We turn fans into heroes.

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