Feb 19, 2018
Self Care is How Wizards Win
By Cristina Kinsella
This piece is a part of the Harry Potter Alliance’s series for our #SelfCareMagic, a week exploring what self care is and what it means to different people. To find out more about the Harry Potter Alliance, visit thehpalliance.org.
It was three weeks out from the test that would determine whether I got the job I had dreamed of since I was six. At 5:12pm, I was crouched under my desk, knees pulled to my chest, sobbing uncontrollably, convinced that my career was over before it had even started. For the past several days, my body had been screaming at me to slow down and breathe. But I pushed; I ignored. I had to study! I had to hustle! I had to be the best! I had to succeed! A break would surely lead to failure! But then, I broke.Physically, mentally, emotionally, I broke. I pushed. I ignored. I hustled. But I did not take care of myself.
Spoiler alert: I ended up passing the California bar exam on my first try and am now a practicing civil and human rights attorney for people with developmental disabilities. I want to tell you I learned from that incident sobbing under my desk and that it never happened again. I want to tell you that I am an expert in self care now, and I never break down in my office. Neither of those things are true. The way I was taught, self care is for the weak and you just have to hustle through the hurt.
Wrong and wrong.
Life, generally, is hard. It’s long, it’s stressful, it’s full of chaos and anxiety. The news bombards us daily with tales of hate and woe. Things often do not go the way we want or plan. You bend and contort yourself to deal with life, but if you don’t eventually stop and stretch and breathe, you can start to feel hopeless, helpless, overexerted, and out of control. And that simply doesn’t work.
You have to take care of yourself. In short, you need self care.
Self care looks different on everyone, but there are some general ideas that ring true for everyone. Self care is about doing our best to take care of our physical, mental, and spiritual needs. When we take care of our bodies, our mental and physical health, and our spiritual well being, we start to feel more confident and in control. Our anxiety levels lower and our mood lifts. It helps keep us healthy and can reduce illness and medical scares, which in turn reduces medical bills which means more money for things like going to the movies, buying books, or treating yourself to fro-yo (some examples of my favorite self care treats).
We Wizard Activists want to save the world. And bit by bit, we push the boulder of betterness up that hill and make roads to creating a better, safer, happier universe. But sometimes, we lose. Sometimes, we lose big. And sometimes we win little victories that are so small, most people wouldn’t notice them. Part of self care is learning how to celebrate those victories.
Let’s say you’re lobbying your local city council to increase funding for your library to invest in your digital library so people in your hometown can have more access to a larger selection of books on their smartphones and tablets. The city council says no, shuts you down, and refuses to hear anything else you say. Ouch.
Later, you’re staffing the table of the library book sale, trying to raise more funds for your library. In walks a young woman who donates a couple dozen books from her personal collection, and then purchases several books from the sale. You learn later that she is the daughter of one of the city council people who heard what you were trying to do, and wanted to help. Because you used your voice, because you were a strong advocate, she came out and helped. Just a little. But you know what, that’s a win. It’s small, but it’s a victory.
Celebrate that!! Bake a cake for your fellow volunteers and throw a little party to congratulate yourselves on a job well done. Did you get a whole new digital library? No. Did you add a million new books to the collection? No. Did you bring people from your community together to rally around something incredibly valuable and important? You bet you did! Have a party! Wear hats! Dance around! You earned it! Your win was small, but it was still a win. And celebrating that little win instead of wallowing in the big loss is part of good self care.
Self care can be collective, but it’s important to take moments to focus on you. Let’s go back to three weeks before my bar exam, where I’m crying under my desk. My body had been screaming at me for days to take care of myself, and I ignored it. The end result was a feeling of hopelessness so overwhelming I felt like I was drowning.
A few days after that incident, there was a federal holiday, so our review class was canceled. Convinced I could still not take a break, I decided to do practice tests at home. My study buddy tried to convince me I could take a few hours off. And when that didn’t work, she sent me to one of our professors who told me if I did not take a break and let my body relax, I would most certainly fail. I let the advice of two people I trust deeply override my “hustle”, and spent the day off with my equally stressed out study buddy and our friends watching Star Wars and eating pizza. We laughed. We danced. I slept a full eight hours that night.
I still have incidents where my anxiety overwhelms me and I have to find someplace small and re-learn how to breathe. But over the years of becoming an advocate and activist, I learned that taking care of my mental health the way I take care of my physical health reduces those incidents and make me a better advocate. I’ve also learned that taking care of my spiritual health reduces my anxiety as well. I now spend at least ten minutes, three times a week doing deep breathing, meditation exercises.
So how do you figure out what self care looks like for you? It requires some real introspection and thought. But the bottom line is this: What do you need? Do you live with mental illness, but need to address it more? Are you recovering from something big, and maybe need some help? What is your body telling you it needs? Is your mind busy, and you just need a bit of quiet?
I can’t tell you what self care looks like for you. Only you can. But here are some examples from my totally amazing fellow HPA volunteers: bubble baths; dancing around your living room; going to the gym; eating healthy; reading a book; snuggling a pet; writing/journaling; vision boards/writing out goals; grocery shopping; going to a quiet restaurant; going to the movies; listening to podcasts; volunteering; watching something funny on Netflix. The list goes on and on.
And luckily, the HPA has created a rad tool kit to help you along!
Most importantly, self care makes you strong, happy, and resilient. We live in a world dominated by words like “hustle” “deadlines” and “responsibility.” Caring for yourself makes you strong and helps you take on the world. Never, ever mistake kindness and caring for weakness.
After all, Hermione loved to read. Harry played Quidditch. Ron was excellent at Wizard Chess. Neville was amazing with plants. And they defeated Voldemort. Self care is how Wizards win.
Cristina is a volunteer researcher with the HPA, focusing on issues of immigration and migration. She is also a very proud Hufflepuff. In her Muggle life, she enjoys spending time with her cat, Neville (he’s a Gryffindor), and pursuing her passion as an amateur legal superhero.
