10 Reasons You All Love Lists

Doesn’t even matter what I put as the subtitle. Look fhdjskafnbefuiwqlbfndl.

Michael Kellman
The Haven

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Photo by Yan Krukov from Pexels
  1. Easily digestible.
  2. You’re lazy.
  3. You like being told how to fix things and when they’re enumerated it seems helpful.
  4. Haha look at those silly numbers going from 1–10. Hehe. Hehehe.
  5. Things seem more useful in list form, even if they really aren’t.
  6. You can put a list on the fridge. If you want to put stuff on the fridge, a list seems more reasonable than a mere sentence. Put a number in front of that shit. Hell yeah.
  7. Listicles online is a Tragedy of the Commons type situation. Publishers think readers like them more, and then readers read them more and think they like them more, and suddenly we have articles that are just lists of Hollywood celebs with beards (looking at you Buzzfeed).
  8. They help you waste your precious time. Yeah, that’s right, I’m calling you out. Time is the most precious resource we have. The average person in the first world has approximately 4,000 weeks to live. You like using that time reading about trite shit? Yeah, you like it. You love it. And lists makes wasting your limited, precious time (imagine: what if life on Earth is the Heaven that so many pine after?) so…

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Michael Kellman
The Haven

Writer, Filmmaker, Comedian, Improviser, Geologist. Top writer in ‘Satire’ and ‘Humor’. Substack: https://kellman.substack.com/