11 Small Things You Can Do Every Day to Ruin It for All of Us
You could be trying so much harder to be an insufferable asshole.
With so many people refusing to wear a mask or get vaccinated, societal collapse is just a few short months away. Here are some things you can do* to move it along:
Call your father to tell him what an awful parent he was. Sure, you could just leave him alone with his guilt, but wouldn’t you feel better if you really let that nasty old bastard have it? Remember when he left you at the library for like ten hours and you thought he was dead? “Nobody’s perfect!”
Leave your dog’s crap in your neighbor’s yard. And on their porch. And in their driveway. Nothing says “Howdy, neighbor!” like a fresh dog turd. Except maybe a really old dog turd that you still haven’t bothered to pick up.
Rev your motorcycle at midnight and/or 5 a.m. If you’ve got to be up, everybody should be up. Blast “Thunderstruck” while you’re at it, because why not? Let your neighbors really feel it in their taint.
Cut in line. Nothing says “Fuck the social contract” like ignoring the queue. Sure, people will get mad, but it will rarely come to blows. Really steam them up by laughing nonchalantly as you cross your arms and plant your feet.
