12 Catastrophes That are Totally Landon’s Fault

Joseph Thomas
Oct 30, 2020 · 3 min read

The Blue Waves’ Last Second Loss in the City League Soccer Championship (2020)

How: Got distracted by the sun while playing goalie

Jennifer Leaving Me (2020)

How: Told Jennifer that he saw me with Liz and her son at Dave & Busters

Ruining Braden’s Perfect Marriage Proposal (2019)

How: Photobomb

Clearing the Classroom (2018)

How: Vomited after setting a school record for most corn nuggets consumed

Grandma’s Untimely Death (2017)

How: Traded her medication for Skittles at church

Brexit (2016-Present)

How: Broke Boris Johnson’s ninja turtle and blamed Angela Merkel

Desert Storm (1990–91)

(Defenseimagery.mil, VIRIN DF-ST-92–09166)

How: Promised Saddam Hussein all of Kuwait’s oil for a meeting with Cheetarah from ThunderCats

The Tragic Final Days of Elvis Presley (1977)

(Photograph of Richard M. Nixon and Elvis Presley at the White House, National Archives Identifier 1634221)

How: Exlax in the soup

The Rise to Power of Benito Mussolini (1922–1943)

(Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs Division. LC-USW33–000890-ZC)

How: Was the deciding vote that kept Mussolini from hanging out with the Italian Liberal Union Party on the playground

The Yellow Fever Epidemic (1878)

(The Getty Museum. Digital image courtesy of the Getty’s Open Content Program)

How: Too many wet willies

The American Civil War (1861–65)

(Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs Division, LC-DIG-cwpb-04326)

How: Started a rumor that Jefferson Davis called Abraham Lincoln butthole

The Fall of Humanity (Beginning of Time)

(Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs Division. LC-USZC4–5347)

How: Told Adam and Eve he was selling fruit for a school fundraiser

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

Joseph Thomas

Written by

Funeral Director and humor writer from Memphis, TN. http://mortified.substack.com for funeral-related humor. http://josephthomascomedy.com for everything else.

The Haven

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

Joseph Thomas

Written by

Funeral Director and humor writer from Memphis, TN. http://mortified.substack.com for funeral-related humor. http://josephthomascomedy.com for everything else.

The Haven

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

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