2 Simple Super Duper Steps to Becoming a Billionaire
Warren Buffet is the best investor in the world, which is surprising, considering he was born in Omaha, Nebraska.
And, as literally everyone knows, Americans who live in the middle of the country are a bunch of dummies.
So somehow Buffet has a net worth of over $80 billion dollars. He loves to eat at McDonald's.
Lil’ Warren was interested in business at a young age. When he was a kid his first enterprises were selling chewing gum, Coca-Cola bottles and magazines. He also worked at his grandfather’s grocery store, had a newspaper route and bought used pinball machines that he placed in local barbershops.
When he was 14 years old, he took a $35 deduction on his tax return for his bicycle and watch which he used on his bike route.
But what made Warren Buffet super-duper rich was implementing the idea of value investing, which is where you buy shit that’s undervalued.
Blah, blah, blah Buffet bought a bunch of companies, made a bunch of investments, a whole slew of wheeling and dealing and voila, he’s now a billionaire.
My whole entire life I have never been a billionaire, not even once.
But I have seen Freaky Friday.
That movie where Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan switch bodies. Yes, the remake, not the original, no one wants to watch that.
Ok, pay attention, this is the first step.
Step 1: Invent Freaky Friday Machine
Now I haven’t seen the movie for a while, but I did just watch the trailer and apparently the body-switching X factor has something to do with either Chinese food or fortune cookies. I’m not entirely sure where the secret sauce lies, perhaps it’s the combination of both, but it’s probably the fortune cookies.
You’ll have to figure this out.
But either way, just invent the machine, that’s the first part. The second step is a little bit more complicated.
Step 2: Switch Bodies with Warren Buffet
This can get a little tricky because in the movie Lindsay Lohan switches bodies with her mom, Jamie Lee Curtis, who isn’t even her real mom! Crazy.
Pay attention here, this part is crucial…
Do not switch bodies with Lindsay Lohan, Jamie Lee Curtis or your own mom!
If you switch bodies with any of these people then you have failed.
What you actually want to do, and this may come as a surprise, is switch bodies with Warren Buffet. Not Lindsay Lohan.
Why Warren, you may ask?
Well, despite being less attractive than Lindsay Lohan, or maybe he’s actually more attractive than Lindsay, it’s hard to keep up with Hollywood these days.
Either way, you want to switch bodies with Warren Buffet because he is a BILLIONAIRE, ok?!
And once you complete this switch, all of his billions, all of gold, egg McMuffins and chicken nuggets will now be yours, congratulations.
Bonus Information
There is one tiny problem though, Warren Buffet’s old ass is 90 years old.
Excuse me, I mean your old ass is 90 years old.
So you may only have 30–40 minutes to enjoy your McDonald’s breakfast and great wealth, which is nice, but it isn’t great.
So here is what you do. And listen close, you old man, turn up the volume on your hearing aid because this is very important.
You’re going to need to get a good lawyer and start greasing some palms in Washington because you are about to make a very substantial, tax-free donation to some young, very attractive person.
I’m talking that sweet piece of ass Timothée Chalamet or perhaps you’d choose Serena William’s baby, who surely will have tremendous, natural athletic ability.
But if you go with the latter option then you are going to have to place the money in a trust until this baby is 18 years old and who knows what could happen between now and then.
So what I suggest is that you find an 18-year-old, intelligent individual with a body of a Greek god or Greek goddess, right at the cusp of adulthood and make your large donation to them.
Or whoever you prefer that has some life span ahead of them, maybe you want to become an Iguana, I don’t know.
But whoever you choose, transfer all your money to them, I’m talking all 80 billion.
And then you use the Freaky Friday machine to switch bodies with them.
My work here is done.
Pay attention to my next post where I’ll tell you how to become God and manage the karmic debt you’ll have acquired from switching some poor soul into the body of old and broke Warren Buffet.
