5 People With “Very Good” Reasons to Oppose Widespread Student Debt Relief

With the recent push by democratic lawmakers to offer $50,000 in student debt relief, many people are jubilant. Millennials see a future where they can buy a home, or at least have less than 7 roommates in a 3 bedroom apartment. Older adults no longer have to worry about their midlife education expenses hindering their retirement. Parents are glad that their children will stop asking them for money, and vice versa. But, not everyone thinks this is a good idea. Let’s take a look at five people and their “great” reasons to oppose student debt relief.

1. Your mom’s boss Paul who thinks that this will cripple an entire generation from taking personal responsibility. Paul talked your ear off at the 2019 Office Christmas Party about the challenges of selling his 7 bedroom 6 bathroom lakefront home because young people “refuse to settle down and buy homes” and that he needs to sell because property taxes were out of control and he was “tired of paying for exorbitant teacher’s salaries” when he “didn’t even send his kids to public school”.
2. Your Grandma Ethel’s neighbor Doris who is so enraged that Ethel has won the Boca Raton Annual Talent Show three years in a row that she wants to ensure that death is Ethel’s only escape from the federal debt she incurred when, at age 55, she returned to school to become a nurse.
3. Jeff Bezos, despite relinquishing day-to-day operational control of Amazon, will continue to earn billions of dollars by owning 53 million shares of the company, and won’t be able to survive if Amazon can’t stay competitive. Bezos doesn’t know how Amazon will continue to staff its warehouses and delivery system without people being so desperate for work to repay their loans, with interest, on top of feeding their families and paying their rent that they will pee in bottles since they are not allowed adequate restroom breaks, let alone how he will continue to operate the secret island where he hunts individuals who have defaulted on their student loans for sport. If they survive the night, they leave debt free but they earned it, rather than it being handed to them.
4. Your freshman roommate Bethany who paid back her student loans in 2 years doesn’t think it is fair for other people’s loans to be forgiven. “My dad made me take out student loans to build my credit. He agreed to pay them back for me after graduation, but because of how much they cost, he bought me a used Lexus instead of a new one as a graduation present. It’s unfair to me if other people’s loans get forgiven.”
5. President Joseph Robinette Biden, who despite being painted as a radical socialist by Fox, Newswatch, the GOP, and Trump is an Austerity Hawk’s Austerity Hawk. But, the party of his past is changing, and to get with the times Biden is prepared to offer a generous $10,000 per borrower, which will repay one semester at a public university and buy a new pair of bootstraps.