5 Quarantine Workouts to Quit in Frustration After One Day

Don’t feel bad if you can’t follow through with these workouts, I didn’t do them either, but hey, good for you if you think that you can!

Have you been struggling to stay motivated over the past few months?Wondering why you should even exercise when no one is seeing the bottom ¾ of your body? Just looking for something to read while you eat hot cheetos on the toilet? Yeah? Then, check out this list of generic exercises I’ve compiled for you to fantasize about doing for a couple minutes before you concede and just take a nap instead.

1. Dumbbell shoulder press???? Is that what it’s called??? For this first workout, all you need is one set of 20lb dumbbells and also pre-existing arm-muscles. You’ll begin by taking one dumbbell in each hand and slowly lifting them above your head so that when you drop one of them by accident, you’ll knock yourself out and the workout will be over. This one seems dangerous, you will think to yourself, it wouldn’t be a good idea to try it again.
2. 10 reps of up-hill sprints. Oh godddd. Have you ever wanted to feel like you could taste your esophagus? Well, if the answer is yes, try your hand at sprinting. It’s terrible in the moment and also terrible afterwards. If acid reflux were an exercise activity, it would be sprints. You’ll probably decide this workout “just isn’t for you” after reading the description. Hey, at least you didn’t technically quit this one. :)
3. 25 squats. I know these are supposed to make your butt look good, but in the moment, all they do is make you look like you’ve just had an unsuccessful bm. Pro tip: do these in front of a mirror so you can see just how much you’re shaking in between squats… Or, even just try standing up from a sitting position and it’s pretty much the same thing. Come to think of it, why would anyone do this? You should just check TikTok instead.
4. Plank for 2 minutes. You remember planks? You were so good at them during middle school soccer practice until exercise became a form of punishment. 2 minutes isn’t so long, that’s just like… 30 seconds, 4 times… most songs are over 2 minutes… I’m sure you could — — Oh, your wrist cracked? Yeah… that’s a bad sign, you should probably just stop and never try planking again. It seems too dangerous to risk. Actually, now that you’re on the ground, maybe you should just stay there; Just tell your boss the computer’s camera is broken and you can remain in a resting position all day.
5. Chew 3 pieces of gum at the same time. It’s the surest way to snatch your jaw line and… Yeah… so I gave up on this list, but the title says “5” so here I am adhering to the expectation I set for myself.

I know you don’t really want to do any of these exercises and I didn’t feel like working too hard writing them… But, If you’re still here, I’ll offer some final motivation and a more practical view toward working out during quarantine… While you were reading this article, you probably just burned like 3–4 calories. Read it 200 more times and hey, that’s a full work out! Good luck!