Helpful Guide

8 Ways To Become a Neighbor From Hell

From Bad Housekeeping Magazine

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

(All examples listed are from actual neighbors I have had.)

1. Hang your wig to dry outside on a clothesline directly facing my dining room window…every day.
2. Throw your underpants off your high rise so that they catch on an inaccessible tree branch outside my dining room window and remain there for years.
3. Host dice games and drug deals, while smoking Marlboro unfiltereds so that smoke rises up between my floorboards and makes me the star of my own ’80s Metallica music videos in my own home.
4. Hold “If I Won The Lotto” shouting competitions with the other heavy drinkers around the pool of my apartment complex until 3 a.m. every night.
5. Let your huge white fluffy dog lose its mind barking when squirrels make a noise and throw itself against the fence until it can’t breathe… outside my dining room window.
6. Let a giant rusting machine that might be a space shuttle fuel tank or a barbecue from 1965 rust in your backyard…outside my dining room window.
7. Leave your dirty mop drying outside your side door for more than a year until it fossilizes…yup, outside my dining room window.
8. Have a four-man SWAT team encircle your house, rifles drawn, shouting commands to each other, before they stand down and leave the neighborhood to wonder WHY? in the name of God!