A Collection of First Time Prayers
Natasha Nguyen, New Orleans:
Dear God! I’ve never reached out for your help before. Not once. And you’re probably thinking, like, why now? Why not, like, when your mum had cancer? Or when your dog got run over by a car. But here’s the thing: I didn’t want to bother you unless it was absolute life and death dude. And that time has come. I just found out I have herpes. Please help!
Adam Reggio, Miami:
Our Father in heaven, hallowed by your name, thy kingdom come in life and all that… I’m gonna be honest, I’m not sure if those are even the words. It’s been awhile. Hey, is it true that you gave Jesus the ability to heal all diseases? Pretty sure I remember hearing that somewhere. And by all did he really cure ALL? Because the internet says there’s no cure for herpes, but that can’t be right can it?
Tex Johnson, Chicago:
Please God hear my prayer! You created the stars, the clouds, the moon, mountains and everything. You raised Jesus from the dead and even answered my dad’s prayer to lift the 108-year curse on the Cubs to help them win the World Series. All I’m asking for is a little help getting rid of my herpes.
Jamal Fogerty, Washington:
Hey God, yes I know, I’m technically an atheist. And yes, I’ve said some shit about you and made loads of jokes at your expense––but that’s the thing––they were just jokes. Herpes is not a joke! This is serious.
George Green, Houston:
First of all, I want to apologize for using your name in vain not once, but many many many times. Like while watching sport, playing video games, reading work emails, while trying to untie the knot in my headphones. Secondly, can you please make my herpes disappear?
Danielle Menez, Nashville
O Heavenly Father and omniscience one! If you are the all seeing, all knowing person you say you are––you know what this prayer is about and how badly I need you to make this go away.
