A Disgruntled Back Road’s Response to Sam Hunt’s Song “Body Like a Back Road”

Kasadee Allan
Sep 6, 2017 · 3 min read

Dear Sam,

Hey bud, how ya doing? I just want to start off by saying how initially honored I was to be mentioned in your song. Me and country songs go way back. For years, I have been the perfect spot for blasting George Straight, finally getting that girl alone, or simply getting away from it all. So, when I initially heard the title of your new song, “Body Like a Back Road,” I was interested, and maybe even a little bit flattered. But then, I heard the lyrics, and I just have to say Sam, I am truly offended.

Instead of a power ballad in my honour, the entire song was about women. No, not even women, just some girl apparently. This girl that you are comparing to me, an American institution, is some chick with braids in her hair. Is she a British school girl Sam? Is she?

I guess she did put up a pretty good fight for you to get her number. Should I be flattered that my comparison girl waited six whole weeks to give you her digits? She kind of sounds like a tease to me.

After the truly classy girl is described we get to the chorus, where things get interesting. You come right out and say that you are “driving with [your] eyes closed.” I don’t know who this hussy is or what sort of power she has over you Sam, but you should never drive with your eyes closed. That is just stupid.

I don’t care if you “know every curve like the back of your hand.” Sometimes there are animals, or imperfections to worry about. We can’t be your smooth, perfect back road all the time Sam. God! Cut us some slack.

You then go on to add that you are “doin’ 15 in a 30?!?” I just feel so disrespected Sam. We have speed limits posted for a reason. If you aren’t going to respect me, the least you could do is respect the limits. But no, you just have to “take it slow just as fast as [you] can.”

Back roads are meant for slow riding Sam. If you are too impatient for that, you might as well find somewhere else to go driving around. I hear highways like it fast.

Don’t get me wrong Sam, the song has a really catchy tune. I often find myself humming along to it when I’m alone. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t change the channel whenever the song comes on. And just so you know, I only know the tune because it is played so often by people who just don’t respect the rights of back roads. I would never purposely listen to that garbage.

This song is so demeaning to back roads. You compare us to some young, trashy girl, whose only talent, by the sounds of it, is owning pants that are both extremely tight, and yet, also come off very easily. That sounds impossible, just saying.

You also compare her to honey because of her thick and sweet hips?!? Now, I don’t want to talk out of turn, but I have heard some rumblings in the woods from the bee hives about all the hard work that goes into honey manufacturing. But hey, that’s none of my business.

At the end of the day Sam, all I’m looking for is a little respect. This country, and its eponymous music, was founded on back roads. Those that create a short cut from your buddy’s cabin to the liquor store, and if that institution can’t be respected, I don’t know what can!

And hey, I get it, you are just out here trying to make a living, but there should be a line of respect. Just take a second and check your city privilege. Ask yourself, would my grandmother’s back road enjoy this? Or if some guy sang this about my sister’s favourite back road, would I think “hell ya?” I still have hope that in the future you will think twice before humanizing back roads like this again. It’s just so demeaning!


Back Road #68 (Just North of the Tinkerton’s General Store, South off I-95)

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

Kasadee Allan

Written by

A comedy writer who has finally found a productive way to rant about this crazy world we live in. You can find her on Twitter @Just_Kas and kasadeeallan.com.

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

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