HUMOR
Achieve Your Online Dating Goals Now
If you’re not having sex the internet is here to help you
Before the internet, there weren’t a lot of choices for finding a relationship. Either you met at the pig auction and then slept with a bundling board between you for seven months, or were married off to a stranger to solidify your family alliance with the Duchy of Aquitaine.
Nowadays, however, the internet provides myriad tools to meet a partner. Herewith some tips on how to use them to best advantage.
On building your profile
Describe yourself accurately; no one likes a catfish. However, you may add one inch to your height or subtract up to three years from your age, as minor variances are assumed.
Be clever. If this is not within your powers, be succinct.
On posting photos
Use flattering images, but they should bear at least a passing resemblance to the current you. Otherwise you run the risk of your date shouting “Good God no!” and fleeing when you identify yourself, which is hard on the ego.
On swiping
You will be tempted to play the numbers game and swipe right on everything you see. This is a mistake. You may…
