BALD HUMOR
A Hairpiece Obituary
Don’t send flowers
The salt and pepper hairpiece passed away on May 1, 2021. He died in his sleep inside a walk-in closet at his Toluca Lake apartments. The wearer woke up that morning only to find his toupee unresponsive to combing and unable to stick to his scalp, no matter how much tape or glue he applied.
For years, the hairpiece was undetectable.
The hairpiece was born in Majorca, Spain, to a family rich in strands of human hair. His life was a collection of brown and gray, integrated and woven into the replacement’s latticework. For years, the hairpiece was undetectable. Seldom did anyone think he was fake or resembled a small animal. The hairpiece had always remained true to its color and rarely faded, even after years of washing.
The hairpiece gave his wearer the dignity and confidence necessary to bilk his clients out of money that would otherwise be saved for retirement. Most people believed that the wearer’s hair was real and that he was blessed with remarkable genes.
The wearer had male-pattern baldness and began losing his hair at eighteen. He often went out in public with bad comb-overs or bucket hats. He tried many charlatan remedies for hair loss, like applying horse manure to the scalp twice a day or…
