A Letter From The Front In The War On Christmas
Conservative Christmas partisans are bogged down in the trenches at the North Pole.
My Dearest Samantha,
I regret to write that the generals have revoked our furloughs to come home at all before Christmas, and it’s back to the trenches for me and my 101st Snowborne Division brothers in the forests around the liberals’ heavily fortified trenches at the North Pole.
Things haven’t been progressing well for us here on the Northern Front. The liberals have taken Santa hostage, and are forcing the Elves into forced labor day and night building artillery guns and rounds in Santa’s Workshop which kill a lot of our men. They also conduct airs raids from above with Santa’s stolen reindeer.
Our conservative platoons just can’t get close to the liberals’ trenches, and the Democrats have an unshakeable, Satanic, communist resolve to end Christmas once and for all. But we are holding onto hope that we can make a breakthrough somewhere, and free Santa and the Elves in time for Christmas. Millions of good little children across America depend on us.
But, Samantha, oh how I miss snuggling with you at night. I haven’t been getting much sleep at all these weeks because the liberals probe our defensive lines both day and night…
