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A Modified 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous

For the Drinker in Need of Positive Affirmations

Tim McCauley
Published in
2 min readDec 3, 2023

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Step 1 — Admitted we were powerless over alcohol, but that our Higher Power loved us unconditionally.

Step 2 — Came to believe that our Higher Power chose to be a friend of tax collectors, sinners, gluttons, and drunkards.

Step 3 — Made a decision to invite our Higher Power to spiritually accompany us every time we went to a bar.

Step 4 — Made a searching and fearless inventory of our families, friends, and co-workers.

Step 5 — Admitted to God and everyone on social media the exact nature of what was wrong with all these people.

Step 6 — Prayed that they would be ready to have their defects removed.

Step 7 — Humbly asked God to remove their defects of character.

Step 8 — Made a list of all the people who had harmed us, and ruminated obsessively over all the wrongs done to us, until we were seething with rage.

Step 9 — Asked our Higher Power to exact vengeance on all these people.

Step 10 — Continued to take personal inventory of the faults and failings of others, and when they were wrong, promptly told them.

Step 11 — Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, imagining him sitting beside us while drinking, chatting with us amiably and laughing uproariously at our jokes.

Step 12 — Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we affirmed that we were holy, faultless, and without blame, and tried to carry this message to other alcoholics.

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Tim McCauley
The Haven

For years I only composed serious essays, then I discovered there are publications interested in spoofs and satires .