A Xmas Visit From St. DeSantis
Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
The red wave had fizzled, the Trumpster fire doused;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Hunter’s laptop soon would be there;
MAGAs were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of fascists danced in their heads;
White Nationalists and Klansmen dressed in white caps,
Had just settled down for their long winter’s naps,
When out in the sky there arose such a clatter,
Pence sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
Mother tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The snow was so pure and white he did see,
Just like, he thought America should be;
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little pudgy driver, so lively and quick,
He knew in a moment that it was not St. Nick.
More rapid than an A-R, they came,
The man whistled, and shouted, and call’d them by name:
“Now! Rudy, now! Laura, now! Kellyanne, and Ted Cruz!
On, Marjorie! on, Rupert!, on, Tucker! and Fox News!
To the top of the party! I am running for Prez!
Now dash away! dash away! and do what I sez!”
It was St. DeSantis who had taken over the reigns,
A sanctimonious, know-it-all who controlled all their brains.
The wind so quick it made Pence all teary,
Just like when he read about Critical Race Theory.
The sleigh moved freely in every direction,
No mention of the January 6th insurrection;
Up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. DeSantis too-
And then, in a twinkling, Pence heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As he drew in his hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. DeSantis came with a bound.
He was dressed in long white boots, from his knees to his toe,
Stiff as a board, like a regular schmo;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
“Migrants on buses, sent to sanctuary cities;
Only straight folks sit on government committees!
Books banned from schools almost every day;
And never ever shall you say ‘Gay’!”
“Culture wars are best, instead of real solutions;
Medicaid surely deserves, reduced contributions!
Abortions and masking will not be allowed;
Vaccines are for losers, are you not proud?”
“Wow”, Pence said, as he collected his thoughts,
“I think maybe you, should be the new boss”;
“I have to check with Mother, but if she will agree”,
“How ‘bout I run alongside you, as your VP?”
St. DeSantis sprung to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew, like a hypersonic missile.
“But wait where are you going?”, Pence tried to delay,
“Please pick me, and I promise to never say ‘Gay’”
DeSantis replied, “I cannot come back as my sleigh you see has risen”,
“Say hi to Trump when you visit him in prison”;
And ere he drove out of sight-
His last words were “Happy MAGA Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”
