All Shook Up
Elvis Presley Was My DoorDash Driver
Pushing a walker in his pink 1970s jumpsuit, greasy gray-haired Elvis Presley literally dropped my Little Caesar’s pepperoni pizza at my doorstep. He then looked directly into my doorbell camera, curled his upper lip and swayed his hips from side to side while mouthing the words, “That’s alright, Mama.” Following this, he shuffled away and fled the scene in a 1950s black cherry Chevrolet Bel-Air. A cloud of blue exhaust was all that was left of the very unusual sighting.
Even into the third decade of the 21st century, apparently “Elvis-the-Pelvis” is still gracing us with sightings of him. Prior to my encounter, Elvis was believed to have been seen at a laundromat washing a basket full of pompadour wigs while singing rockabilly songs. Another person claimed to have seen him at Burger King, flipping whoppers while demanding that his co-workers “hail to the Burger King.” His age, activities, and occupations don’t seem to stop him from reminding us that he’s still the king and doing whatever he wants, which is apparently making minimum wage.
On the receipt for my order, the name “Jon Burrows” was listed as the delivery driver. Sounds like the typical alias one would use when they are one of the most famous singers of all time. When I contacted the company for further information about the driver and to report his behavior, all I got was “He’s left the building.”
Did I truly have a sighting of Mr. G.I. Blues delivering my dinner, or was it a devil in disguise? Seeing what I believe to be the king in his blue suede shoes isn’t the first unusual thing I’ve witnessed. Recently, I spotted Bigfoot in the woods. Sure, it could have also been some crazy person running around in a Chuck E. Cheese costume- although I know for certain I once saw the image of Marilyn Monroe on a potato chip. Given these unusual experiences, it doesn’t seem out of the ordinary for an 86-year-old Elvis to have a lowkey job delivering food to customers. Let’s just be thankful he’s not a driver for Uber.
Perhaps we should all pause and consider helping Elvis out. It must have been hard walking away from his Graceland home back in the 1970s after faking his death. He’s more than likely going to be lonesome tonight as he’s out dropping off a bunch of hunka hunka burning Hot ‘n Ready pizzas. The least we can do is leave a decent tip.
