A Few Ideas On How To Make The Debates Wildly Entertaining
These debates, amirite?
So many candidates, so many ideas, so many attempted zingers. The dialogue is important and I *kind of* enjoy watching, but with the large number of contenders, it’s a bit of a chore to stay focused.
I mean, let’s be real here. A full stage of suited-up, mega-adulty humans who are being hella-serious and hardcore talky-talky; that is a LOT to take.
So in light of that fact, debate organizers should consider funning-it-up a little in the future. The end game would be the same, but why not give us more than just stale rhetoric and red, white and blue graphics?
It is time, my friends, for the debates to level-up.
Instead of standing, these cats should be moving. Instead of speaking, these pundits should be singing. Let’s get them to share their plans and policies, but at the same time they can be treating the American public to a visual feast of stumping entertainment.
Some suggested formats:
Rap Battle
Think about it. We could listen to Beto and Bernie get after it podium-style, but wouldn’t it be better to see the B-boys freestyling about the merits of Medicare-for-all, instead? Picture this. All the other candidates — Pete, Joe, Kamala and the entire Dem gang — gathered in a circled frenzy around the MCs, jumping up-and-down while Beto verbally slays the Bern.
Marianne Williamson would probably be somewhere off in the wings, making weird noises into the microphone like she’s the 4th member of Migos or a Cardi wanna-be, and I have a hunch that Lizzy Warren could spit some wicked verses if that’s the only outlet for her to detail her plans.
It’d be fire.
Unorthodox format? Yes. Horribly watchable? Also yes.
Autotuned
Close your eyes and you can almost hear the sounds. Bernie Sanders — autotuned. Elizabeth Warren — autotuned. Booker and Gabi — autotuned out of their freaking minds.
Everything the candidates have to say and every policy they wish to enumerate — from guns to cages to the climate crisis — would be funny AF when autotune distorts their very-serious governmental words.
“You supported the Hyyyyyde Amendment.”
You guys — the resultant memes would not only generate themselves, but they’d be a national treasure.
Costumed
What’s better? Julián Castro talking about the economy, or Julián Castro in a Darth Vader costume talking about the economy? He can still hit all of his talking points, but by sliding into a Halloweenian ensemble, he’ll give us a little razzle-dazzle. Thanks, Julián!
Imagine every candidate wearing the prerequisite costume, looking all agitated and argumentative on that shiny red stage. I picture an angry zombie, a hostile Dorothy, an aggressive football player and a ready-to-fight clown, standing amongst the slew of other costumed debaters.
Tell me it wouldn’t be must-see TV.
Booker, dressed as Buzz Lightyear, goes after Biden (Spongebob Squarepants) for his son’s Ukraine business. The dude on the end who nobody knows, dressed as a slice of pepperoni pizza, tries to interject, only to be cut-off by Spiderman (Buttigieg). Pizza is pissed, Spongebob is on the attack, Buzz Lightyear is beaming like a psychopath and Spiderman continues speaking, unfazed.
Spoiler: It WOULD be must-see TV.
Besides, it would be straight-up awesome to hear Marc Lacey say the words, “Your time is up, ghoul.”
