The Haven
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The Haven

Alternatives to “Will you Marry Me” — The 2022 Edition

Our relationship, along with our immunity, needs another booster — will you boost it up to a lifetime with me?

We lasted 3 vaccine shots and 30 odd variants — so I figured you could last all others being married to me?

The pandemic has upgraded to an endemic and N95 had upgraded to KN95, how about you upgrade from my partner to spouse?

I want to be the 95% effective respirator of your life — will you forever take precautions with me?

I want to get this over with before it gets safe to invite and pay for more than 20 people again — will you do a wallet-friendly wedding with me?

COVID-19 has made it hard to date brand new people each month — will you forever be endemic-induced loyal with me?

Together, we’ll overcome more obstacles than the number of vaccines COVID-19 did — will you get all your future Kamikaze and mRNA shots with me?

I can’t imagine anyone else but you to go on COVID testing and vaccine dates with—will you do all your drive through pharmacies visits with me?

US doesn’t believe in lockdowns anymore but I believe in locking us down — will you do all the remaining quarantines with me?

COVID-19, and us, we can overcome all the highs and lows that life throws at us— will you spend all foreseeable endemic peaks and troughs with me?

I love you more than anti-vaxxers love their natural immunity — will you spend the rest of your life judging them with me?

Like COVID-19 with all of its Greek letter variants, I will never let our relationship get dull — will you find more COVID safe destinations with me?

Unlike airlines testing requirements, I will never be ambiguous with you — will you spend the rest of your life being Dr. Fauci kind of honest with me?

I want to be with you more badly than the so-called freedom lovers want to be away from their masks — will you find all future non-cloth masks with me?

You are the only person I don’t wish muted themselves on Zoom — will you forever vent about genetic mutations to me?

Testing kits have moved from pharmacies into my home — I was thinking its about time you do too?

We know each better than RT PCR knows its many variant — will you celebrate all your future “NOT DETECTED”s with me?




A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

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Akshita Singh

Akshita Singh

Data Science and Satire. One or the other, or both at once. But never without either.

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