Amended Nursery Rhymes, End of the World Edition
It’s raining, it’s pouring,
The old man’s snoring.
He got into bed
And bumped his head
And typed covfefe in the morning.
Wee Whinin’ Donnie runs through the town,
Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown,
Rapping at the window, crying through the lock,
“Are my Fox and Friends on, for now it’s six o’clock?”
Humpty-Trumpty promised a wall,
Humpty-Trumpty said it’d be tall,
All the king’s Russians and all the yes men
Can’t put his lies together again.
Yankee Donnie went to town,
Riding on a pony;
Stuck a feather in his wig
And then fired James Comey.
Hush little Ivanka, don’t say a word,
Papa’s gonna buy you a hotel, your third.
And if that third hotel won’t bling,
Papa’s gonna buy you a diamond ring.
Just a totally normal NOT sexual thing to do, folks, BELIEVE ME.
Cobbler, cobbler, mend her shoe,
Give it a stitch and that will do.
Here’s a nail, and there’s a prod,
And now Melania can run thank God.
Little Bo-Peep has lost the Veep,
And can’t tell where to find him;
Leave him alone, and he’ll come home,
With his secret Super PAC behind him.
Jared be nimble,
And Jared be quick;
And Jared dodge under
The growing scrutiny of your federal investigation.
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey;
Along came a Spicer,
And denied the Holocaust beside her,
And frightened Miss Muffet away.
Baa, baa, GOP
Have you any spine?
No sir, no sir, everything is fine!
This little piggy went to market,
This little piggy stayed home,
This little piggy had roast beef,
This little piggy had none.
This little piggy went …
“Wee, wee, wee, I can’t find my way home because I’ve been detained by ICE.”
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
She had so many children, she didn’t know what to do;
She gave them some broth without any bread,
She prayed for Planned Parenthood, and put them to bed.
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water;
Jack fell down, and broke his crown,
And then Jack died because he no longer had health insurance.
