The Haven
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The Haven

An 80-Year-Old Business Man Gave Me This Shocking Advice as a Teen

I never forgot it — no matter how hard I tried.

“I want you to know,” he continued, “that I couldn’t follow anything you just said because I can’t take my eyes off your chest.”

I let his advice wash over me, like a trash-riddled tide on a Long Island beach. “Excuse me for just one moment while I get someone who can help you,” I said.



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Danielle Kraese

Words in the New Yorker, McSweeney’s, Slackjaw, & The Belladonna. Co-author of Jokes to Offend Men.