An Open Invitation to the Mar-a-Lago Yard Sale
Get here before the Feds do.
We were rummaging through my old bankruptcy scrapbooks the other day and had an epiphany: it’s high time we had a yard sale!
So today I am announcing that the Mar-a-Lago Yard Sale is open for business. Come on over and spend a few hours mooching over the merchandise — you won’t be disappointed.
We’ve got boxes of classified government documents at prices that’ll make your eyes water. Pick up a low-level intelligence report for a few bucks, or spicier stuff like Top Secret spy debriefings for a few dollars more. If you’re a real collector, check out the nuke material available at less than the price of a six iron.
And speaking of golf, there’s a selection of my used clubs to peruse. The irons took a hammering while I was President, but they still have a lot of plays left in ’em. Besides, you’ll be able to swing a club once used by a President absconding from the White House.
Looking for something a little out of the ordinary? How about a safe with a broken lock (courtesy of FBI vandals). Just replace the lock (a bunch of ’em I took from the National Archives are on sale) and you have a great storage container for a knock-down price.
You should definitely take a look at our wide selection of used lawyers, political supporters, rioters, and other assorted throwaway lackeys. To be honest (which I always am despite what the rabid left says), these has-beens are not in good shape because they were thrown under the bus at one time or another. But cast-offs are very useful if you have dirty work to do or just want someone around who’ll do everything you say (I recommend the attorney general in the collection, a real gem).
Pay us a visit soon while stocks last. And to sweeten the deal, we’re throwing in a used red tie with original burger stains for the first 10 buyers. We’d love to see you!