An Intervention for Lovers of No-Foam Cappuccinos

Dear lovers of no-foam cappuccinos,

I’m writing to you on behalf of your local barista to tell you what they haven’t been able to say.

It will likely come as a shock that whenever you recite your “large extra hot no-foam cappuccino,” your beloved barista has been biting their tongue so hard they’ve permanently dented it with their teeth.

You’re probably thinking it couldn’t possibly be true that the same bubbly face who greets you by name and engages in your friendly banter has been hiding something behind their beaming smile.

You’ve been seeing them for over two years now and you’ve been through a lot together. On gloomy Monday mornings when the workweek stretched ahead of you and you’d sigh, “It’s Monday”, they’d hit you with “there’s nothing coffee can’t fix, right?” You’d laugh through your apathy because you knew for ten minutes every morning, you could count on them for comforting words and a listening ear.

But what I’m about to say will most definitely make you doubt everything you thought you knew about the people you’ve shared your mornings with. You will be asking yourself what else in your life is a complete and utter lie.

The truth is — and this is going to sting — a no-foam cappuccino is actually just a latte.

You’re probably thinking: But why have they been calling it out as a no-foam cappuccino? And that one time, when they messed up, called out your drink as a latte and you made them remake it, was it all for nothing?

Yes. It was all for nothing. Just like when you made them remake your extra hot cappuccino because it was too hot.

And that’s another thing: Your drink isn’t extra hot. It’s just hot. You see, steamed drinks are already hot by default. And since you don’t like a scalding drink, you shouldn’t ask for extra hot.

So, why did they never correct you? You’re starting to get angry now. You’ve told your barista plenty of times you couldn’t possibly go to any other cafe for your morning coffee because no one knows how to make your drink the way they do. To think that, after giving them nothing but loyalty and praise, they’ve been treating you like a fool might make you feel betrayed.

Well, above all, it comes from a place of love. They know how happy it makes you to have a drink made specially for you. They can tell by your smug expression when you make new employees repeat your order twice. Or when they forget to yell out “extra hot,” you put your mask on your chin and your face over the bar to demand, “I asked for extra hot!”

It might also have to do with the fact that they told you the first day you ordered your cappuccino with no-foam that it would be a latte and you responded with “But I don’t want a latte. I want a no foam cappuccino.” But you likely don’t remember that, just like you don’t remember the barista’s name, even though they told you multiple times “It’s Sam, not Tanya”.

Your barista doesn’t get paid enough to argue about your drink order, but it sure does make them want to throw a portafilter at you when you ask for orangey apples instead of oranges and they have no choice but to play along.

But don’t worry. Your barista will still make your drink exactly as you like it. A no-foam extra hot cappuccino that goes by any other name will taste just as sweet.

So tomorrow morning when you go in, make your barista’s day and ask for a latte.

And while you’re at it making the world a better place for baristas, keep your mask over your nose, stop standing in front of the drink handoff station when others are waiting before you, and for the love of all things holy, please stop saying “you’re welcome" when they thank you. You’re welcome for what?

Sincerely,

Baristas everywhere