SERVICE TO HUMANITY
Dear Shitheads and Fucking Idiots — An Open Letter
Exorcising some diplomacy
Dear People:
If you’re going to drive at freeway speeds through the supermarket parking lot …
Be prepared to slam on your brakes and come to a tire-smoking, chest-vs-steering-wheel halt when I walk in front of your car with my shopping cart.
If it was just me walking I know you’d kill me with your ‘beamer’ and wipe me off your bumper like a fly speck, but the possibility of auto damage from a shopping cart was too much for you to take. Nice job doing the insurance/police/pretend-penance time-and-money calculation as you screeched from 60-to-0 in 0.9 seconds.
You can’t really get mad at me and flip me off like you’d enjoy. Not only were you at fault, but there’s the issue of the un-child-seated 5-year-old in your passenger seat (illegally) and your “Honk If You Love Jesus” bumper sticker.
Oh, and STFD! That’s Slow The Fuck Down! And STFU.
The parking lot speed limit is 10 MPH. Even that’s too fast most days with peg-legged, partially-sighted pensioners jumping off curbs into traffic lanes.
