Announcements That Pull No Punches
1. Luncheon Bulletin
Mrs. Butterscotch has proved by passing out in the middle of the Ladies Licked by Life luncheon that she really was sick. Prior to this, she had complained and complained of her head feeling like a half-full gallon of gasoline, and from that precarious head, the doctors extracted a drinkable amount of brain juice which apparently was not supposed to be in such a quantity as to quench the thirst of a parched wanderer’s thirst or possess so acrid a smell.
Ps. Please don’t leave any food for her or her loved ones, she’s not dead and we are all seriously trying to determine where she got the excess juice from.
2. Newspaper Ad: Live-in Help Wanted
We are looking for an averagely sized maid with extremely small feet. My darling husband has a fetish for feet but a disdain for all downwardly disproportionate-sized body parts, so we reached a compromise to keep him from extramarital relations and me, from murder. If you or anyone you know is average-sized with toddler-sized feet, kindly contact us. We will pay in direct proportion to the size of feet, as in, the smaller the feet, the higher the day rate.
