Apple Emoji Gets “The Works”
Complaints spark total overhaul of bagemoji
Apple upgraded an unreleased bagel emoticon not once, not twice, but seven times following negative reaction by the international emoji community (aka bloggers). Even the President got in on the action, Tweeting, “Apple should be embarrassed. That bagel is disgusting. DISGUSTING!!”
After being blasted by bloggers for its plain, generic and almost photo realistic bagel, Apple responded with a new image smeared with cream cheese. Even this wasn’t enough to satisfy the Windows, Android and Google users who will never use the emoji anyway.
Non-users demanded poppy seeds, lox, garlic cream cheese, tomato and even peanut butter. Many wanted bagels with variant skin tones, such as pumpernickel and whole wheat. Apple released a third bagel with lox and cream cheese, but even that didn’t meet social media expectations.
After being blasted by bloggers for its plain, generic and almost photo realistic bagel, Apple responded with a new image smeared with cream cheese. Even this wasn’t enough to satisfy the Windows, Android and Google users who will never use the emoji anyway.
Ironically, the original uproar had little to do with the bagel’s extras, but the image itself. When Apple first unveiled the beta version, it raised the ire of a #MeToo Twitter tagger. “Apple released a bagel emoji that is suggestive of the shape of a woman’s buttocks. Haven’t we put up with enough of this shit from men who sexualize women?”
The backlash was immediate, with Tweeters labelling the image “lewd,” “obscene,” and “exploitative.” This drew fire from free speech and arts independence advocates who claimed, “filth is in the mind of the viewer,” “I know pornography when I see it. I don’t see it,” and “who cares?”
After hundreds of comments, the original account posted an image of a woman’s buttocks superimposed over the bagel to demonstrate “the liberal filth in the artist’s mind.” More #MeToo supporters jumped on board. However, a few became suspicious of the Tweet based on the phrase “liberal filth.”
ISP research revealed the original Tweet came from the notorious Internet Research Agency, which recently rebranded as the Emoticon Alert Bureau. “This whole bagel business was an attempt to undermine users’ faith in the democracy of the Internet,” said FCC chairman Ajit Pai. “Maybe now people will understand why the Internet should be paid for and not free. To finance an international Internet Police to standardize the information and ideas disseminated on the web.”
“This whole bagel business was an attempt to undermine users’ faith in the democracy of the Internet. Maybe now people will understand why the Internet should be paid for and not free. To finance an international Internet Police to standardize the information and ideas disseminated on the web.”
When Apple released its final version, now labeled “bagemoji” in social media conversations, the finished product featured savory extras such as lox and cream cheese and sweet extras, including icing, chocolate sprinkles and whipped cream. “This is it,” Tim Cook told reporters. “no more bagemojis. Use it or use the donut. The damn things are so tiny no one will know anyway.”
Within minutes of the announcement, the newly rebranded Social Media Oversight Bureau Tweeted, “Apple replaced their butt cheek bagel with a bagel that suggests a woman’s breast. Shame on Apple. Women protest this exploitation!”
Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, and the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus. Follow him @stephens_pt.
