In what is being referred to as a pure power move, first grader Richie Holiday strutted to the front of Mrs. Lindman’s class on Thursday and pointed out Kansas on the map with the arrogant confidence of a sixth grader. “I was definitely trying to send a message to the rest of the class,” Holiday said. “Anybody can point out Michigan, Maine or Florida, but those square-y ones in the middle can get really confusing. I wanted all their dumb faces to know I play for keeps!” Witnesses say audible gasps were heard throughout the classroom as Holiday was able to differentiate Kansas from the likes of Colorado and Nebraska with a pure showmanship usually reserved for stage or screen.
Raised to think he can do no wrong by parents who spoiled him from the moment he was born, Holiday says this is only the beginning. “Next time I think I’m gonna try to point out one of those weird little ones on the right, like Vermont. Heck, I might even try Rhode Island! I feel like the sky is the limit for me right now,” Holiday boasted with a smug, punchable grin. At press time Holiday was reportedly brushing up on his state capitols in an attempt to become the youngest student in Morgan Elementary to earn perfect marks in geography and literally nothing else.