Attention Everyone: Rebecca Is Taking A Break From Social Media
Only introspective authenticity from now on!
Hey, everyone, just thought I’d let you all know that I’ll be taking a break from social media for a while. I don’t know for how long, but it will definitely be longer this time than my last few breaks, so don’t expect any updates tonight or tomorrow morning. I’m serious this time. After this post, I’m going dark and breathing in the fresh air of real life!
I just need to take some me-time, unplug, and focus on my mental health. Ever since I diagnosed myself with depression and bipolar disorder this last winter, I’ve come to realize that I give too much of myself to others until I have nothing left for me. And, honestly, I need a break from toxic people. Bigots, racists, homophobes, Islamophobes, xenophobes, anti-Semites… I’m sick of being lumped in with all those groups every time I voice my opinion!
So, starting right now, I’m cutting toxicity out of my life! I can’t handle one more comment thread argument that lasts for days until the other people finally give it up, or one more pesky fact-check that’s technically true but totally misses all my points, or one more bitter person who’s been jealous of me ever since middle school reporting me for violating social media harassment rules. Some people just don’t live in reality, and are too hard-headed to understand the truths I have to offer. And that’s their problem, not mine.
My last few months of soul-searching and pursuing enlightenment have led me to a place where I can welcome the fact that I’m just one person. I can’t make the world a utopia all by myself, and it’s unfair to hold myself to the standards of Gandhi or Mother Teresa like I have been. I can only do so much in a day to help other people, and some “friends” just aren’t ready psychologically to accept that vaccines are injecting people with lizard DNA, or that they’re hopelessly brainwashed by Big Heliocentrism, or that they just don’t have the imagination to understand the amazing health benefits and side hustle prosperity I’m offering by giving out my referral codes to the multi-level cosmetic opportunity of a lifetime.
So, starting right now, no more frivolous wastes of my time on social media keeping me from self-actualization! I need to focus on reminding myself of who I really am. I don’t want to brag, but, unlike a lot of you, I am done spending hours taking selfies of my face every day and meticulously editing them, and I’m done taking personality tests over again until it tells me I’m the Disney character I wanted it to say. No more catfishing people for months, managing a cumbersome stable of fake accounts, or leaving negative Yelp reviews every time I go to a restaurant! Positivity now reigns supreme!
It’ll be like surgery to cut out all the superfluous stress and negativity in my life, and from now on I’m embracing minimalism. I’m going to get in touch with the real me! I’m going to take up meditation and teach myself to not be afraid to be alone with my thoughts anymore, and I won’t stop self-reflecting until I achieve buddha-level tranquility. Only introspective authenticity from now on! And, who knows, maybe to reward myself for this mental and emotional reset I’ll get myself those lip fillers I’ve always wanted. I promise that when you hear from me next, I’m going to be a totally different person, new and improved! Maybe I’ll be fluent in a new language, or have less than 10% body fat, or know how to tango dance. I’m down for literally anything just as long as it’s not online!
So, bye for now on social media (and maybe for good, who knows?)! Enjoy wasting your life on the Internet, getting canceled for speaking your mind, and relentlessly trying to keep up with the Joneses! I’ll be courageously composing the incredible story of my favorite protagonist… me! If you need to get ahold of me you can text me, or send me a carrier pigeon LOL! #OffTheGrid
Real life awaits!
[39 minutes later.]
There’s nothing I hate more than when Grubhub drivers don’t check the bag to make sure the restaurant followed all my directions!! I wanted 3 butters PER BAGEL, not 3 butters total! I’m trying to be positive here! I WANTED to give the driver a tip this time. Now I gotta start a new Yelp account RIGHT AFTER deleting my old account! The New World Order globalists think they’re so smart but can’t even design a food delivery service that hires people who know how to READ!
