Avoiding Coronavirus
Ten cunning tricks to keep safe during the impending paranoid economic shut down / semi-necessary quarantine
Wash Your Hands
Someone recently posted on Facebook that the chorus to Toto’s “Africa” is exactly twenty seconds long. The perfect hand-washing accompaniment. Whichever lyrical timer you choose, make sure to vigorously scrub your hands at least fifteen to twenty times a day. Or more. You can never be too careful.
Use Hand Sanitizer
This stuff is liquid gold. You should keep it everywhere. Your house. Your car. Your kid’s backpack. Definitely your fifty-shades-of-grey inspired sex dungeon. Buy it in bulk because all your friends will want a bottle. And god knows the grocery store won’t have any. You could probably start a side hustle trading it for rice and beans if things really get tight. Ignore any ridiculous conspiracy theories about ethanol-based disinfectant being a crap substitute for soap. Scientists know nothing. After all, our President says so.
Buy a Mask
You may never actually wear it, but head on down to your local Costco to buy one anyway. Or fifty. Your choice. Beating the shit out of innocent civilians to acquire this tiny piece of cloth that may or may not…
