Baby Herman gives the best man speech at Jessica and Roger Rabbit’s wedding
What a shindig this has been, huh? The last time I saw Roger look this spiffy we were filming “Puddin’ on the Ritz,” and he was tripping into a vat of custard in a top hat and tails. And he’s head over heels today too–and not just because Marvin Acme tied his laces together before he hopped down the aisle.
It’s great to see Roger’s eighty-three brothers and sisters all here, and there’s his cousin Oswald–where the hell ya been, pal? Haven’t seen you around since “Steamboat Willie.” Glad to see all the dwarfs could make it too. There’s Happy, Dopey, Sleepy–and hey, what’s up, Doc?
And what a swell service. That was a real touching reading by Donald Duck–I think. Thank you to Ferdinand for the floral arrangements and to the Wise Little Hen who made the cake all by herself. And thanks to Bambi for organizing the stag night! Though when I said I wanted to go to a cat house, I didn’t mean Felix’s place. And holy mackerel, I think Swee’Pea and I tossed back one bottle too many.
So where do I start with Roger? I’ve made over a dozen cartoons with the guy, and I’ve seen him fall off cliffs, biplanes, and the Empire State Building, but I’ve never seen him fall for anyone like he did for Jessica. Sure, he’d been with other dolls before, but he was no Pepé Le Pew. Roger spent a week dating this one dame before he realized it was Bugs Bunny in drag!
And Jessica? Get a load of this broad! Jiminy Cricket, those gams! When they drew her, they broke the pencil. I’d like for her to throw me over her shoulder and burp me, if you know what I mean.
Roger and Jessica met when we were shooting “My Eyes Are Up Hare.” I think she was seeing Mighty Mouse at the time, but once she got with Roger, it was “That’s all, folks!” They say rabbit’s feet are lucky, and when you look at the size of Roger’s, you know what I mean. Anyway, by the time we were doing “It Hopped In One Night,” he got her a ring. Eighteen carrots, and he didn’t eat them til later.
I know you crazy kids are just waiting for me to shut my yap so you can make like Daffy and duck out. Have fun in Cucamonga, and don’t forget to take a left turn at Albuquerque!
