Being a Caviariterian
I tried vegetarianism, fruititarianism, airitarianism and ice creamitarianism but nothing has kept me healthier than caviar. It is all I eat.
Of course I don’t eat it right out of the tin all the time. Just when I’m working on my computer, watching TV or driving.
It’s fun to make dishes out of it.
In the mornings I like to make caviar smoothies with yogurt and yellow mustard, then I snack all day. I sometimes use a spoon but mostly I just eat with my fingers. The oils are excellent for my nails and preventing cracked, split skin I often get in winter. People tell me how nice and fishy I smell.
At night I get creative, cooking up everything from caviar cream gumbo to deep fried marshmallow caviar balls.
The only problem is the expense. Caviar isn’t cheap.
I’ve already sold my car, drained my 401K and maxed out my credit cards so I decided to cultivate my own caviar.
I got some sturgeons and made a deal with my neighbors to use their pond. The sturgeon are doing quite well. They’ve eaten all leeches and have cleaned out the snails. I feed them fly larva, which is very easy to raise. I just collect road kills and skim off the larva. In the wintertime I have to keep the roadkills in my basement to get the larva to grow.
I’m feeling rather proud of myself, having developed an environmentally friendly and sustainable way to eat. Nothing goes to waste.
Shoot me an email if you’d like to come over to enjoy a caviar smoothie and take home some some cream gumbo.