Varsity Soccer MVP
I am a part of the Boys’ Varsity Soccer Team, a very physically and time-demanding sport. I play one of the most important positions on the field….technically. There are many titles for what I do, but what I call it is the Team’s Chief Executive Moral Support Booster.
In a sense, I am my team’s superhero- dare I say, savior. I’m not the hero my team needs, but I’m the hero my team deserves. I’m like Batman. But like,I’m nice, which is the opposite of Batman, so- Manbat. I’m Manbat. But also I play soccer- so Manballs. I’m Manballs, protector of all goods.
Other people call it Left Bench- but what do they know?? There’s not enough oxygen in their brains because they’re too busy running around chasing a stupiddumb ball.
But I’m like the Messi of the bench. Like someone need milk? Because the GOAT is right here.
Despite many of the assumptions about a Team’s Chief Executive Moral Support Booster Bench Player (emphasis on the player part, it’s a super duper important part of the description), this position comes with many, if not the MOST challenges that come with playing (again, large girthy emphasis on the playing part, really super important) soccer.
For example, people don’t think of the physical toll clapping and cheering from the Chief Executive Moral Support Booster Executive Bench has on a player (can’t stress it enough). It is very physically demanding as it can make your hands very sore and red, and your throat very dry and scratchy. I consider the people on the field really lucky just because they don’t need to deal with the things I nobly have to.
Also, if on a rainy day you are moving around a lot, it’s like, really really really hard to keep a warm spot on the Chief Executive Chief Player (less is NOT more) Bench. Like if you get up to fill the water bottles or you need to scoot over to make room for the losers being subbed off, you can bet your now-very-cold-ass that your new spot is ice cold. Midfielders have it so easy maintaining normal body temperatures, running around on the field.
It’s hard work being the Messi of the bench…
Damn is it really that hard to put me in for 5 minutes?
