Ben & Jerry’s Creates Flavor Honoring President Trump

“Impeaches & Cream” now available at all Washington D.C. area supermarkets.

BURLINGTON, VT — President Donald J. Trump has had a lot of things named for him: ugly towers, failed casinos, awful steaks, out of print magazines, failed airlines, broken condoms, but as of Tuesday, the 24th of January, 2017, he had never had a Ben & Jerry’s flavor named in his honor.

Well, no more. Ben & Jerry’s, the ice cream brand that brought us “Cherry Garcia” and “Stephen Colbert’s Americone Dream” have released a new flavor in honor of the 45th president.

“It’s gonna be the best ice cream I can guarantee you. The coldest, the creamiest, the most fattening. Stocking here @ White House, and Trump Tower. #micga #alllivesmatter” tweeted President Trump, from his private Twitter account.

Impeaches & Cream” is “a mixture of vanilla, peaches, and spray tan” that leave the diner “filled with a queasy unease about what comes next” according to the Ben & Jerry’s website.

“In focus group testing, it reminded people of simultaneously gargling a white Russian and urinating on a mattress, to a soundtrack of Tomorrow Belongs To Me,” the statement read.

When reached for comment on exactly what does come next, Ben & Jerry’s spokesman George Schneider informed us of the development of “Mike Hot-Pence Fudge-Packed Molé Chocolate”, a “thick, fudgey trip down the Hershey Highway” spiced with Mexican hoja santa and “a hint of Santorum.”

Please recommend and comment! Please check out my website! Please check me out on Twitter! And if you work at Ben & Jerry’s, please make this a thing.