Ben & Jerry’s Creates Flavor Honoring President Trump

“Impeaches & Cream” now available at all Washington D.C. area supermarkets.

BURLINGTON, VT — President Donald J. Trump has had a lot of things named for him: ugly towers, failed casinos, awful steaks, out of print magazines, failed airlines, broken condoms, but as of Tuesday, the 24th of January, 2017, he had never had a Ben & Jerry’s flavor named in his honor.

Well, no more. Ben & Jerry’s, the ice cream brand that brought us “Cherry Garcia” and “Stephen Colbert’s Americone Dream” have released a new flavor in honor of the 45th president.

“It’s gonna be the best ice cream I can guarantee you. The coldest, the creamiest, the most fattening. Stocking here @ White House, and Trump Tower. #micga #alllivesmatter” tweeted President Trump, from his private Twitter account.

Impeaches & Cream” is “a mixture of vanilla, peaches, and spray tan” that leave the diner “filled with a queasy unease about what comes next” according to the Ben & Jerry’s website.

“In focus group testing, it reminded people of simultaneously gargling a white Russian and urinating on a mattress, to a soundtrack of Tomorrow Belongs To Me,” the statement read.

When reached for comment on exactly what does come next, Ben & Jerry’s spokesman George Schneider informed us of the development of “Mike Hot-Pence Fudge-Packed Molé Chocolate”, a “thick, fudgey trip down the Hershey Highway” spiced with Mexican hoja santa and “a hint of Santorum.”


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