Breaking News: LA Driver Doesn’t Cut Off Car
Los Angeles — On Thursday, August 23 at 8:37 AM, Harve Moore (43), a divorce attorney currently going through his second divorce, was slowed down by a red Prius in front of him on the I-10 freeway. Baffling reports indicate that he did not cut off the twenty miles per hour car in traffic. The scientific community at large is utterly confused by this unprecedented phenomenon in the City of Los Angeles.
In an interview, Mr. Moore stated, “I don’t know what came over me. In every other instance, I would have honked aggressively long, raced past her, cut her off and given her the finger as is the societal norm in our city. However, on this special Thursday, I realized that the car driving in front of me was being driven by an actual person with feelings.”
Jackie Coyne (20), a longtime survivor of tailgating and the driver of the red Prius, said, “It was like finding the ark of the covenant. Here I was cautiously driving slow, and he didn’t honk. This Thursday has biblical implications; I was an Atheist before, but now I think Harve Moore might be the Messiah.”
Recently, the Mayor of Los Angeles has announced that a statue will be built to commemorate Harve Moore’s valor; the statue will depict Harve holding his hand away from the horn of his car. Furthermore, the President of the United States has personally invited Mr. Moore to the White House. In a press release, the President said, “Harve Moore is a good empathetic man. His outstanding character and charitable charisma are values we should all strive for”. In cooperation with Congress, the President has announced that Moore Day will be recognized as a national holiday and celebrated every August 23.
On Twitter, millions of people have started following Harve Moore and “#empatheticharve” has been trending nationwide. The followers have been requesting that Mr. Moore run for president, and the Democratic, Republican, and third parties are currently fighting over who will have Harve Moore as their candidate.
Lastly, the Noble Peace Prize has already been awarded to Mr. Moore since he “done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations”” by not cutting off a car.
