Business in the Front, Party in the Back
Five mullets that rock my world
According to Wikipedia, the term mullet originated with a 1994 Beastie Boys song called “Mullet Head”. The 2001 movie Joe Dirt came up with the description “business in the front, party in the back.”
Here are a few of my favourite mullets; there are many other contenders, but these are my picks.
The everyman mullet
Here, my friends, is a reason to take the subway. You might stumble across this hunka-hunka-burnin’-love.
There’s just so much going on here. You’ve got the short sides and back, the medium length top, and then the ponytail without the need for a hair elastic. Add in a chiselled jawline and you’ve got a whole lot of… well, something…
There’s no way this guy is single.
The I’ll save the day mullet
Imagine this scenario. You’re running late for work, and your car stalls and you can’t get it started. You’re starting to panic because you’ve got an important presentation you’re supposed to do.
You’re just about to call your boss and say you can’t make it in to work, when there’s a knock on your window. You turn your head and see this vision of amazingness.
You role down the window, a bit lovestruck. He asks you to pop your hood open. You get out of the car to see the magic that you’re sure is about to happen.
Seemingly from out of nowhere, he whips out a roll of duct tape and some tooth picks. He does some quick fiddling under the car, and then confidently tells you to start it.
Sure enough, this superhero mullet has just saved your job.
The 80’s teen mullet
If you are of my vintage and you didn’t watch Saved By The Bell, you should be ashamed of yourself. This show introduced me to what high school was going to be, including A.C. Slater with his curly gelled mullet.
Who was going to get the girl, Zack or Slater? Zack was blond, but would that ever really be enough to outweigh a mullet this styled?
The 80’s ace mullet
The 80’s were the mullet’s heyday, and Andre Agassi certainly knew how to work it. This look isn’t just a mullet in isolation; it’s a work of art. You’ve got your wrist sweatbands, slouch socks, jean shorts, enough body hair to create at least 10 wigs, and then the crowning glory — the mullet. It moves like it’s doing a finely choreographed dance.
This is true mullet magnificence.
The hockey hair mullet
As a proud Canadian, hockey hair holds a special place in my heart. It’s basically a national tradition.
However, the king of the hockey mullet is not a Canadian. No, that honour belongs to Czech Jaromir Jagr. This isn’t just a hairdo. This is a legend.
Hockey has seen a lot of mullets over the years. But at some point, you’ve got to acknowledge that there just isn’t any competition, and it’s time to bow down and worship.
Are there any spectacular mullets you think I’ve missed?