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CEO Replaces Himself With Robot

A case of utter redundancy

Carlo Zeno
The Haven
2 min readJan 9, 2025

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I’m your new CEO. / Photo by Alex Knight on Unsplash

A CEO of a major corporation who wishes to remain anonymous has announced his resignation today.

Of all of the workers who make his business tick, he realized his position was the easiest and most obvious to replace with AI.

He had this to say to the men and women who propped up his business and stature for so many years:

“After many troubling nights of tossing and turning, I realize that my position is absolutely redundant. I mean, what is it I do exactly? I gaslight in meetings, make promises I can’t keep, celebrate profits I had no hand in producing, rub shoulders with stakeholders, take long luxurious holidays, and really just serve as an overall puppet, douchebag, and empty suit for investors.”

The reflective CEO then paused for effect:

“Surely, if a robot can do anything, it can do this!”

Half hoping for some sign of regret or commiseration from his over-worked and underpaid underlings, the CEO was met with complete silence and what appeared to even be boredom.

Some workers looked at the clock. Others played on their mobiles. One looked like she couldn’t wait for the meeting to end. Nobody showed the slightest hint of…

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The Haven
The Haven

Published in The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

Carlo Zeno
Carlo Zeno

Written by Carlo Zeno

Top writer in poetry and satire. Migrant. Expat. INFP. Poet. Satirist. Tragedian. Tutor. Public Servant.

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