Choose Your Own Misadventure: You Are Insane but Having a Blast — Part 1

You’re falling apart but having a swell time— Image is my own

Part One of an ongoing interactive story. Come join the downward spiral.

You are standing in line at a convenience store. Not a soul is prepared for the hot, boiling flatulence currently churning inside you. You count two patrons to your front and then grind your neck back to take in three bodies behind. They will be the first to experience what you have brewing.

The door swings wide, and in walks the man from your building. Yes, the same man you notice judging you from his window on the days you yell at cars from a street corner. The same man who peeks from his dwelling on the nights you tumble down the apartment staircase in a well-earned haze of inebriation. Yes, this same man is now here, and his eyes meet yours as you prepare your innards for sweet release.

But should you proceed? He pauses a moment to raise an eyebrow, and then his face turns a shade of disgusted. His nose crinkles now, and you haven’t even jettisoned the goods. Your mere presence disgusts him. He snatches a pack of chewing gum and trundles to the back of the queue. He exhales with volume, and you can feel his contempt for you on the back of your neck.

The line inches forward as a woman vacates the store and the next customer approaches the cashier. You could exfoliate your rectum now and enjoy the reactions of those around you. Or you could wait until after completing your business, leaving a nostril-incinerating calling card as you exit the establishment. But what of the man? He’s been spying on you for months now. Could this be the moment he strikes? He’s been observing you, studying your patterns and looking for weaknesses. A blast of noxious colon spray may set him off, may initiate an attack from him. Do you dare take the risk?

It’s time to choose! Post a comment with your preferred course of action. After one week, the votes will be tabulated and the most popular choice will act as a springboard for the next part of the story. Your choices are:

1. Launch now
2. Launch as you’re leaving
3. Abort launch