Perry Block
The Haven
Published in
2 min readMay 11, 2018


Chris Matthews Walks in On His Wife in Bed with Another Man and Still Won’t Let Anyone Else Get a Word in Edgewise

“OMG, Chris, you’re home!

“Kathleen — in bed with someone I’ve never met. Let’s play hardball!”

“Chris, I can explain …”

“Explain? It’s been a week when explanations have been singularly lacking from the White House or Congress. An explanation of the positioning of the man next to you in bed would be copacetic given today’s uncertain political climate.”

“Chris, it all started when I ran into …”

“I know, ran into Josh Mandelbaum. I recognize Josh now as a reporter for Reuters who used to hold administrative positions in the second Bush administration. Josh, are you serious about my wife?”

“First, Chris, I want to say it’s good to be with you …”

“Good to be with you too, Josh. There’s many questions I’d like to ask you regarding how W would have reacted in situations where Trump is predictably floundering. But first about Kathleen.”

“Chris, I never meant ….”

“Back in Philadelphia where I come from I find that people who say they never meant — especially those hangin’ at the corner of Broad and Girard — have in reality been carefully planning their misdeeds from the very start. Kathleen, your thoughts?”

“Chris, you’re never home. And you never listen…”

“Of course I listen, sometimes for multiple seconds at a time. Josh, your intentions about Kathleen?”

“Honestly, Chris, this is only the first time that …”

“I see some indecision on your part, Josh. It might help you to think about what Bobby Kennedy would do. As Kathleen knows, I have a new book out about Bobby Kennedy, who is a personal hero of mine along with his brother Jack, called Bobby Kennedy: A Raging Spirit available at Barnes & Nobel, Amazon, and fine bookstores everywhere.”

“Chris, it’s not about Josh, but I’m leaving …”

“That’s one of a host of options, Kathleen, and I look forward to seeing if that’s the one you elect. Now, tell me something I don’t know. Josh?”

“Chris, I want to apologize to you …”

“That’s refreshing, Josh, because apologies are something in short supply from this guy who’s currently fumbling the job as the President of the United States. Kathleen, tell me something I don’t know.”

“As I said, Chris, I’m leaving …”

“I think you’ve already made that point clearly, Kathleen, and it doesn’t bear repeating. Now … umm … you there? … Tell me something I don’t know.”


“Yes, Kathleen?”

“There’s only two guests on the panel … I mean, in the bed … today. Not three.”

“That’s okay. If there were a third, I wouldn’t let them speak anyway.”



Perry Block
The Haven

One Boomer humorist trying to turn back the clock through parody, satire & anything else you want. My book “Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute” at