Fashionably Exclusive
Clever Ways To Gatekeep Your Wardrobe
Picture this — you show up rocking an incredible outfit, and suddenly every person within a 10-mile radius wants to know where you got those threads. Here comes the dreaded question: “Omg, where did you get that??? I neeeeed it!”
Ugh, those mooches. The next time someone asks about your clothes, hit them with one of these:
- “Oh this old thing? I had to travel to the deepest jungles of the Amazon and recover a golden loincloth from an ancient temple guarded by poison dart frogs.”
- “I harvested the silk for this shirt myself — by meticulously collecting strands from the radioactive spiders that live in the Chernobyl exclusion zone.”
- “This fabric? It’s spun from the smelted hair of Rapunzel that I had to climb into the air and wrestle away from a flock of migratory geese.”
- “You could never pull off this look. It requires dangling by your toes from the top of the Eiffel Tower for three days straight to align your chakras properly.”
- “I’m afraid these pants are simply too legendary for mortal eyes. They were forged in the immortal fires of Mordor itself.”
- “Hunting a rampaging sasquatch with only a sharpened twig and capturing its pelt was easier than finding an outfit as epic as this one.”
- “This ensemble is cut from cloth harvested during a full solar eclipse by blind Shaolin monks who wove it while levitating.”
- “Nice try, but the ancient and forbidden garment-crafting techniques used for these robes cannot be shared with non-illuminati members.”
- “You have to earn a mastery of 17 different martial arts before you’re spiritually prepared to even look at clothes like these.”
So the next time someone compliments your outfit of the day, don’t hold back. After all, exclusivity and an inflated sense of self-importance are super hot right now.
