Congratulations! You’re the Chosen One!

A quick onboarding guide for your Hero’s Journey

Patrick Metzger
The Haven

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Bearded man with glasses in robe holding sword at Renaissance Fair
DreamArt123 on Shutterstock.com

Great news, Valued Customer!

This email is to inform you that you’ve been identified as the Chosen One, and are invited to participate in a Hero’s Journey of adventure, growth, and self-actualization.

To get you started as quickly as possible, we’ve automated the onboarding process. Below are the answers to some frequently asked questions. Read them carefully, then click “Accept” to start your Journey!

Who are you?

We are the Council of the Wise, selected as the most enlightened and virtuous individuals of all those residing in the eight physical and dimensional Realms of Greater Earth. Your plane is currently represented by Taylor Swift and a blue whale named Corbin.

If I’m the only Chosen One, why do you need to automate the process? Couldn’t you just send someone to my house?

We have multiple Hero’s Journeys happening at any given time, so we’ve been working to streamline the signup process. Also, the attrition rate for Chosen Ones is north of ninety percent so it helps to have a few in the pipeline. You’ll be fine, though.

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Patrick Metzger
The Haven

Dilettante, smartass, apocalypticist. ***See “Lists” for stories by genre.***