Contents of Trump Safe Seized by FBI Agents Revealed

Alarming find will send shockwaves through the political establishment

Items on the top shelf of the safe that the Feds confiscated when they raided former president Trump’s residence, Mar-a-Lago, recently include a half-eaten MacBurger, several Snickers wrappers, a pacifier, and an object that is thought to have some unusual sexual application.

But it is the contents of the larger, bottom shelf that are sure to cause a political firestorm.

“The shelf was loaded with items taken from the White House including a full set of presidential linen, presidential dinner plates with matching cutlery, presidential lamps, and a presidential toilet roll holder,” said a member of Mar-a-Lago’s staff who prefers to remain anonymous.

It is not unusual for items to go missing from the White House when presidents leave office, confirmed a veteran security operative. President Lincoln’s nose hair cutter, a presidential clipboard used by President Johnson to conduct meetings from the toilet, and a rubber bone heavily chewed by generations of White House pets, are among the items that have disappeared in the past. However, all the objects were returned promptly when ex-presidents were notified confidentiality of the losses, and there were no repercussions.

“It is the extent of the stolen collection that surprised us this time, and the fact that requests to return the stuff fell on deaf ears. The Feds had to step in,” said the security officer.