Sep 5, 2021
Dramatis Personae
BRUCE, a surfer
NURSE, a nurse
PASSERBY, a graduate student at the University of Melbourne studying marine biology and drama, who dreams of being the world’s foremost television shark scientist, sort of a cross between Jacques Cousteau and Kim Kardashian, only richer and sluttier.
CORONER, a coroner
SCENE—The Ocean. BRUCE is surfing.
BRUCE: Egad! I have been bitten by a shark!
SCENE—The Hospital.
NURSE: You were lucky to survive.
BRUCE: I should have never invaded its watery domain. I hope I’m not cursed.
NURSE: Don’t be silly. Now kiss me. [They kiss]
SCENE—The Bedroom.
NURSE: I like your scar.
BRUCE: It’s totally not cursed. I like your boobs.
NURSE: They’re not cursed, either.
BRUCE: Hot damn. [They have gratuitous sex]
SCENE—The Street.
BRUCE: The tide is high. I’m sure of it.
NURSE: How could you know that? Unless …
PASSERBY: Egad! That man is turning into a shark!
BRUCE: Aaaargh! [turns in to a shark]
SCENE—The Morgue.
CORONER: We’re fortunate he could not breathe our human air.
NURSE: He should have never invaded their watery domain.
CORONER: At least the curse died with him.
NURSE: Does it feel like high tide to you?
Call me, Spielberg. Let’s make this happen.
