Daily Itinerary of a Writer Stuck in a 9 to 5 Job
7:00 AM — Who needs an alarm? Existential dread is my wake-up call. #LivingTheDream
7:16 AM — Monica’s email taunts me with a to-do list. Aim that bullet point at me and pull the trigger. #KillMeNow
7:20 AM — Prepare coffee. Open Word. Frame both and post to Insta. #BlankSpace. Tack on #Swiftie for wider reach.
7:25 AM — Stare at the screen for inspiration with the anticipation of a doomsayer watching the tsunami roll in. #ThatsTheKindOfDayItIs
7:26 AM — Brain activity registering a flatline except for the occasional blip of ‘Should I just write the grocery list?’ #CreativitySignedTheDNR
7:27 AM — Find consolation in knowing atleast the writer life tweet is on point. #NailedIt
8:15 AM — Study subway muse for slasher novel. #RestingMurdererFace
8:30 AM — Eye contact made. Abort notetaking. #ActNatural
8:31 AM — She approaches. Initiate emergency de-boarding. Slashers don’t like their dry runs documented. #SendHelp
8:39 AM — Uber rest of the distance. #WritingAintCheap
9:10 AM — Open office mail to voice note sent at 2:37 AM. Shift-Dlt drunken attempt at plot advancement. ‘He kissed her. Muah. She kissed him back. Muah. Muah.’ isn’t exactly Pulitzer material. #PlotTookAVodkaShot
10:00 AM — Bite nails worrying each hour not writing fuels somebody else’s bestseller. #TherapistOnSpeedDial
10:03 AM — Schedule mani-pedi to resuscitate bitten nails. #Priorities
11:25 AM — Scrutinize hot colleagues with writer’s gaze at all-hands meet. #SingleAndReady
11:55 PM — Reply to Monica with ‘Attached’. Don’t attach. #AlwaysBuyTime
11:56 PM — Begin collecting data for the report. #ProustDidntDoPpt
12:40 PM — Write acknowledgements for the unfinished novel. #ManifestThatShit
1:56 PM — Monica alert! #FlashMeetsAltTab
2:00 PM — Monica needs that report. Yesterday. Turns out ASAP has a new meaning. Intimate Oxford. #StopThePress
2:01 PM — Strike Monica from acknowledgements. #BurnThatBridge
3:00 PM — Share ‘you-know-you-are-a-writer-when’ memes. #MiseryLovesCompany
3:30 PM — Stand-up call. Document MoM in its full show-don’t-tell glory. #Writing101
4:25 PM — Short of target word count. Expand contractions. Boom! #DehyphenateEverything
4:30 PM — Google ‘Do amnesiacs forget how to swim?’ #ResearchRabbitHole
4:55 PM — Discover plot hole the size of a black hole. Delete. Delete. Delete. #BackspaceToTheBeginningOfTime
5:00 PM — Bathroom stall sob session #CountdownToMeltdown
5:15 PM — Daydream talk show fame on the commute home. #LatestOnTheLateNight
8:00 PM — Binge ‘Younger’ for marketing inspiration. #FakeItTillYouMakeIt
11:20 PM — Dream of Reese Witherspoon book club nod. #ShouldveMadeItARomCom
