Stop it. Just, stop it.
Conversation after conversation, I hang on to your every word. My head nods earnestly to your frantic hand gestures. My eyes lay transfixed on yours, hoping to capture the wisps of unspoken meaning.
Yet, time after time, despite my best efforts, you leave me in utter confusion.
It enrages me.
“Where did I get lost?” — I ponder, hours after the conversation.
Perhaps it was the generous littering of “obviously” that sparked a bubbling spite in me. Perhaps it was the unwavering confidence of speech, without respite of even a single “um”, that overloaded my senses.
Regardless, here I stand, clueless yet again.
But it will never happen again.
After years of suffering at your hands, I have devised a plan.
When I next hear the start of an inspiring monologue, I will erupt into a babble of a foreign language. When I next encounter your frenetic hand gestures, I will immediately counter with a move from the ancient art of Muay Thai. When I next stumble across the dreaded “obviously”, I will abruptly clutch my hand to my heart, and faint.
Although you have tried for years, you will never conquer me.
Nevertheless, I wish you luck in your endeavor.
Sincerely,
@fdgt
