Dear Jon Gruden: A Letter from Bill from Wisconsin
Hey there Jonny Boy,
I’m Bill, from Wisconsin, and I just wanted to drop you a line to buck you up after a hard week. Don’t worry about all the crap they’re giving you about those emails. We’ve all said stuff that others consider “incriminating” or “wrong”. All those Californian snowflakes get upset about the smallest stuff. You don’t deserve to resign because people think you’re “racist”, “misogynistic”, or “homophobic”. You apologized and that’s all that matters.
I mean, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell deserves to be called a “clueless antifootball [homophobic slur]” for trying to make people scared about concussions. What has a little head injury ever done to anybody? I, myself, have had 14 different head injuries, and I’m fine. By the way, I don’t know if I mentioned this, I’m Bill from Wisconsin.
Plus, we all know that you using a homophobic slur to describe Roger had nothin to do with him actually being gay and was only because he made you upset. That’s perfectly reasonable. I mean, back in my day, we called everyone “gay” and not a single person found fault in that. And it’s obvious that you thought that drafting Carl Nassib, the first openly gay, active player was because of the way he plays and for no other reason at all.
You said that you don’t have a blade of racism within you and I believe it. You didn’t mean anything behind making fun of DeMaurice Smith’s intelligence and the way he looks. Making fun of people’s features related to their race isn’t racism, right? It’s just entertainment! It’s like making fun of a crippled kid for limping. Wait, no sorry, making fun of a “handicapped” kid for limping. God, it’s so hard not to offend people these days, but I don’t have to tell you that.
So don’t worry about it Jon. Don’t even pay it a second thought. You wrote these emails when you were young and stupid. I mean, you wrote them when? Like 2018? That’s a whole 3 years ago. Even if any of these emails were a problem, you’re practically a whole new person at this point and those seven years worth of emails does nothing to prove that you speak or think that way. It was all locker room talk.
Anyway, I wish you the best. Hugs and kisses,
Bill from Wisconsin
P.S. I’ll suck your dick.
No homo.
