Dear Mosquitoes of Southern Ontario,
Would You Kindly Piss Off Already?!
I realize that your species needs to live (though I’m not entirely convinced why) but is it really necessary to drive me insane from the itch of your rancid bites? I’ve been bitten so much in the last couple weeks that I fear I may not endure much more of you pesky little mother #*ckers!!!
Tis matters not if I spray “OFF” liberally either. For surely, you will find just one spot I didn’t spray enough on. Do I really need to bathe in OFF the entire season?? Seriously??! WTF???
And stay away from my kid too!!
Why don’t you go find a pack of vermin to feast on?? Give them a run for their money! I realize while I was cursing “Old Man Winter”, I probably wouldn’t have minded warm weather in which you guys co- existed. If it meant I wouldn’t have to shovel snow two or three times a day just to get out of my driveway,
I might have fooled myself into thinking mosquitoes are just friendly little vampires who aren’t afraid of daylight. Or crucifxes. Or garlic.
If I had known I may have scars from where you’ve bitten me, I may have considered moving to Antarctica.
I have a question for you. Are you guys taking some kind of testosterone? Are you guys making protein shakes before leaving whatever forsaken pond you reside by? Whatever you lack in size, you clearly make up for in your vicious bite.
So if you wouldn’t mind, you’ve had a good share of my blood by now, would you please just F-OFF?!
Yours truly,
A Seriously Pissed Off Human, and her offspring.
